


Hope It Gives You Hell

by StacyHolmes



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Detective!Geralt, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Geralt fucked up but he is trying to fix it, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia is Bad at Apologies, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier is sad, Kid Fic, M/M, also communicating, but only for a second, dad!Geralt, he sucks at it too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:00:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 26,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26880280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StacyHolmes/pseuds/StacyHolmes
Summary: He’s giving last of instructions to Triss, reminding her to pay for the craft beer he ordered for tonight, when something strange happens.A child walks through the door. Not the underage teenager with fake ID and nervous eyes, no. An actual child. Little girl who cannot be older than five, completely unaccompanied and crying her eyes out.Or: Five years ago Jaskier lost Geralt. Today, he finds his daughter, Ciri.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 320
Kudos: 628





	1. Chapter 1

Jaskier’s shift behind the bar is almost over and, with it being only around four in the afternoon, he’s as happy as it gets.

Sure, he’ll have to come back here to perform for the night, but at least now he has some time alone. It is sad, really, that now he needs his time alone – just like a certain someone he decidedly doesn’t want to think about.

Sometimes Jaskier thinks that it would be better for him if he’d just never met the man all those years ago at all, but the thought always leaves the bitter taste in his mouth so he chases it away as soon as it comes.

The bar is gradually getting louder, more people are coming through the doors smiling and talking. It’s a beginning of June and Jaskier isn’t a fan of summer, usually, but he makes an exception for Pride Month – he even had Renfri to hang out several pride flags outside the door – so he smiles at everyone and a little bit brighter at those taking tiny flags from the rainbow colored basket standing proudly on the barstool closest to the door.

He’s giving last of instructions to Triss, reminding her to pay for the craft beer he ordered for tonight, when something strange happens.

A child walks through the door. Not the underage teenager with fake ID and nervous eyes, no. An actual child. Little girl who cannot be older than five, completely unaccompanied and crying her eyes out. Jaskier abandons Triss mid-sentence and next thing he knows he is crutching in front of the girl.

“Hey now,” he murmurs softly. “Can you tell me what got you all upset?”

Girl raises her eyes only for a moment before she’s back to wailing. Jaskier decides to try a different approach. “Your hair is really pretty, all long and shiny! You look like a real-life princess, did you know that?” And, yes, this gets girl’s attention. She’s still snuffling but at least she’s looking at Jaskier now. He can work with that.

“My name is Jaskier, I work here. What is your name, Your Highness?” And this gets him an adorable, if a bit snotty, giggle and Jaskier considers it a win.

“Ciri,” Comes her voice, tiny and quivering. “I lost my dad!”

At that, of course, she’s crying again. Renfri comes near him and shoves a clean, wet towel into his hand, before hastily walking as far away from a crying child as she can. It’s a wonder she approached them at all – she even avoids Jaskier when he’s crying, which doesn’t happen often, mind. Jaskier is only confused for a second before his brain catches up with his hands and he is shushing the girl, carefully wiping at her face.

It seems to be a right thing to do, because the girl – Ciri – is relaxing under his touch and his words.

“We’ll find your dad, don’t you worry, princess Ciri.”

Jaskier can almost feel the judging look that Triss is undoubtedly giving him from behind the bar. He is not supposed to give promises he can’t keep, he knows that. And he doesn’t know this child and doesn’t know if he can actually help her. His smile doesn’t waver as he asks girl if she wants to come sit down. They settle in the booth, the one that overlooks the entrance.

“Do you know your dad’s phone number?” Jaskier asks, thinking that he probably should call police, or…or what one calls when there’s a lost kid in your bar? A flicker of panic shoots through his chest. He doesn’t know a single fucking thing about lost children. Shit.

Ciri nods, a bit uncertain. Jaskier calls for Triss, asking her write down the number Ciri is slowly spelling, her brow furrowed. While Triss is making the call, Jaskier is trying to entertain Ciri as best as he can.

He’d like for her father to come in and see his daughter calm and happy and not to think of him as of some kind of kidnapper or something.

He asks Ciri about her favorite cartoon and five minutes later there’s a stack of printed out coloring sheets with Rapunzel, Cinderella and Sponge Bob.  
Triss brings her Jaskier’s most expensive highlighters, the ones that he uses on his important paperwork, and she knows it quite well. She only shrugs whe he raises his eyebrow at her and helps Ciri open up the pink one.

Less than fifteen minutes pass after Triss called the father when he arrives. Jaskier doesn’t see him, at first, only hears Renfri telling someone the directions to their booth.

“Hey, Ciri?” Jaskier whispers overly-dramatic, “I think there’s someone special for you to see!”

He and Ciri turn their heads towards the man at the same time. Ciri is out of the booth in a second, screaming with glee. Jaskier, on the other hand, feels like he’s been hit over the head with something cold and heavy. He feels nauseous all of a sudden, and a little bit lost. He is on his feet before he even realizes it and out of the room in several seconds.

He can hear Geralt calling after him. Because yes, life is exactly this cruel. It’s no one but Geralt, standing in the middle of his bar. With his daughter. Fuck, if she’s as old as she looks, he figures Geralt moved on pretty fast.

Not a surprising thought but it still makes him close his eyes and lean against the kitchen door heavily.

He knows that Geralt is still out there, can almost feel it with his skin, but he dreads to look man in the eyes. And, for being a wordsmith he praises himself to be, he doesn’t have a single word to say to Geralt.

Not after he broke Jaskier’s hart and never looked back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, leaving kudos and commenting! It really makes me happy and keeps me going!
> 
> Oh, and my tumblr is stacyholmes  
> Come say hi! <3

Getalt’s day is shit from it’s very beginning: Ciri woke up two hours earlier than usual from a nightmare and continued to be in a foul mood right until he dropped her off at kindergarten. 

Her sad eyes haunt him all through the day and he leaves work a little early to pick her up, which turns out to be another mistake, because Yennifer choses the worst day to make an appearance. 

He isn’t surprised by it in the slightest.

He and Ciri are walking from new fro-yo café that she’s been begging him to try out because her best friend from kindergarten recommended it, even though it’s completely out of their way, when his phone rings. Right as Ciri notices swing set on the playground and asks if they can go there. 

Geralt is holding Ciri’s unfinished frozen yogurt in one hand and her sticky hand in the other and asking his daughter to hold her own treat right now wouldn’t end well, so he lets go of her hand, sternly telling her to stay put. 

“I’ll answer the phone and then we’ll go to swings, alright?” 

Ciri nods unenthusiastically, but Geralt just takes whatever he can get for now.

“Yen, it’s not a good time,” He practicality growlers into the phone. “I’ll call you back.”

“Dad, can we go yet?” Ciri demands loudly.

“Is it Cirilla? Can I talk to her?” Yennefer’s question sounds more like a threat.

“No, Ciri, not yet” Geralt chides, “And no, you absolutely can not talk to her.”

Geralt doesn’t consider letting a woman, who left a him a child and full custody on said child without saying a word, talk to his moody toddler. Sue him. Actually, no. Sue Yennefer who’s being unreasonable and very persistent, and... wait, why’s Ciri suddenly so quiet?

And it all goes to shit from there. 

Twenty terrifying minutes later he’s walking up to the booth in some kind of a hipster-y bar, where his daughter is busy coloring something with a small smile on her face. The man that’s sitting in front of her leans in to whisper something and his movement catches Geralt’s attention. 

There’s a familiar feeling in his chest: it feels too tight but at the same time it’s as light as if he breathed in a gallon of helium. Ciri is at his side in a matter of seconds and something inside him settles down. His daughter is safe and back in his arms. 

But there’s a new feeling, too. Or a rather old one, if he’s honest. The feeling that changed his life more that once. The one that he’s been afraid to let go all this time. The one that he’s too scared to put a name on. 

He holds Ciri tight to his chest and watches as Jaskier shakily stands up. Gerald doesn’t know what he hopes for, but it’s certainly not for Jaskier to storm out without even looking on him. He’s behind the door before Geralt can react, and when he calls his name, Jaskier doesn’t answer and it causes Geralt a sickening kind of pain in his ribcage.

Then Geralt remembers the look in Jaskier’s eyes when they parted last time. He thinks he deserves all the pain and then some.

•••

It’s a long time after Geralt and Ciri leave when Jaskier finally exits the kitchen. His presence there makes stuff nervous – no one likes to be watched by boss while working. 

He steps into the main room slowly, as if expecting Geralt to still be somewhere in the corner, brooding. But it’s not the case and Jaskier relaxes a bit. 

“So,” Renfri starts conversationally, which is never a good sign. “What the fuck was that?” 

“That’s, um, that was...” Jaskier trails off, but then composes himself. He’s a fucking adult. He can talk about exes without causing a scene. “Geralt. My ex.”

“What?!” Triss demands so vigorously that a bit of the beer she’s been pouring splashes out of the glass. 

“How did it even work?” Renfri asks, disbelief coloring her voice. “He speaks in monosyllables and you never, ever, shut up.”

“He’s not that bad,” Jaskier finds himself saying. “He was probably just worried about his daughter, it’s a... fuck!”

“What else?” Triss doesn’t look look sympathetic, but at least she’s sliding a colorful cocktail towards him and he will take it, with gratitude even. 

“He has a daughter!” Jaskier had realized it earlier, of course but his voice is thin and panicky anyway. It’s suddenly very important to him to know how old is exactly she. 

“Well, I’m pretty sure she’s not yours.” 

“Oi, shut it, Renfri! That’s not what I’m about!” Jaskier finishes his cocktail with record speed and passes empty glass towards Triss with begging look. Though, it’s his bar and his alcohol, he really shouldn’t be begging for it. 

“What I mean is that he has daughter, who is...how old do you think she is?”

“Six,” Triss says, at the same time as Renfri says: “Two.”

Which is completely unhelpful, thank you very much. He says them as much, as he starts on his second cocktail. 

“She cannot be six, Triss, six years ago we were still together and Gerlart wouldn’t do that to me,” Jaskier really, really hopes he wouldn’t. But he also was sure Geralt wouldn’t leave him like he did either and look how this played out. “And she cannot be two, Renfri, have you ever seen kids at all?” 

Renfri just shrugs and Jaskier makes some mental math. He concludes Ciri has to be four, if Geralt was faithful to him. He really fucking hopes he was. 

That night Jaskier sings of heartbreak and drinks more than he should. He allows himself one evening of pining and promises to forget all about it tomorrow.  
He doesn’t.


	3. Chapter 3

Jaskier honestly doesn’t expect to see Geralt again. There might be a tiny spark of hope inside of his heart, but it’s tiny and he can totally make it go just as fast as it came. _He can._

It’s a week later when he’s getting ready for his usual performance night, with Renfri helping him put up his stool on the stage, when he sees him entering the door. The urge to flee is strong, but this time Jaskier is stronger, so he just curses colorfully making Renfri stop in her track to look at him questioningly.

“Broke the string again?” She smirks until she sees the look on Jaskier’s face. Then it’s her time to feel the urge to flee, but just like Jaskier, she stays. Triss taught her well – she almost acts like a compassionate, empathetic person these days. Jaskier loves her dearly. 

“It’s Geralt,” Jaskier nods to the man sitting at the bar now. He doesn’t seem to have noticed them yet. “Why the hell he’s back? I don’t have any more of his children.”

And yes, Jaskier realizes his voice sounds bitter. At least Renfri doesn’t point it out, too busy glaring at Geralt. 

“Do you want me to kick him out? You know I can take him.”

“I know you can.” Jaskier answers solemnly. She totally can. He’s seen her ruling out too many bar fights to ever doubt her strength. But tonight he’s got a different plan – he’s gonna stand up for himself in his own way. 

“I can handle him, though.” Jaskier is determined. He doesn’t feel like starting with his usual opening, not tonight.  
He readies his guitar, stand close to the mic and looks right in front of himself, even though he itches to see Geralt’s reaction.

" _I wake up every evening  
With a big smile on my face_,” He stars, happy that his voice, unlike his heart, is strong and steady.  
Jaskier’s eyes are on the patrons as he sings, but when he starts on chores, he can’t contain himself anymore. He looks at Geralt, meets the amber eyes that are already on him.

“ _When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell._”

Jaskier totally expects Geralt to storm out, but despite his hard face and clenched fists, he doesn’t show any signs of leaving. Stubborn asshole. 

Jaskier sings the rest of the song right to his face. 

When the song ends he follows it with _Me And My Broken Heart, Maniac, We Don’t Have To Dance_ , and finishes his set with _Fuck U._ he’s exactly this petty. 

As he puts his guitar in its case and goes to leave it in the storage room, he can feel Geralt’s eyes on him. Or maybe he just wants to believe that when in reality man has already left. 

“He probably has. He’d been an idiot to stay this long after what I sung,” Jaskier reasons with himself, as he closes the door of the storage room behind himself. “Yeah. He totally left.”

Not a second later he bumps into someone’s wide chest.

“I didn’t.” Geralt says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all your kind words! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gives us a little peak of boys’ past!  
> Let me know what you think of it <3

_Geralt steps out of pub, his eyebrows furrowed and his shoulders hunched. His work for the day is done, case is finally solved and his boss gave him a morning off tomorrow. And yet there’s something that won’t sit still in his head. He feels like he’s missing something important._

_The look in drug dealer’s eyes when he arrested him five or six hours prior was clearly saying that it wasn’t the end._

_Geralt is so encompassed in his thoughts he nearly misses the noise coming from around the club’s corner._

_That’s when he sees him for the first time._

_Doubled over, with split lip and panic written all over his face._

_***_

_Jaskier honestly thinks it’s the end this time. These fucking idiots will give him some kind of brain trauma and he’ll die in the dirty corner behind the pub. Fantastic._

_He spits the blood and readies himself for another blow but it doesn’t come. Jaskier spits out more blood, that lands inelegantly on his shoes, and carefully looks up. His attackers aren’t even looking at him – their attention is on the big, bulky figure, poorly illuminated by the street light._

_Jaskier wonders If this man is here to save him or to brake him further._

_***  
Geralt knows that technically he can just flash his badge at idiots and they’d disappear in a second, but he really doesn’t feel like giving them an easy way out. So he takes all three of them one by one, leaving them alive, but unconscious on the ground, and makes his way towards heaving boy._

_“You alright?” He tilts boy’s head a bit, to let the light hit his eyes, see if he’s got concussion. He doesn’t, blue eyes are bright and sharp and he looks at Geralt like he’s some kind of a hero._

_“I’m all good.” He gives Geralt a toothy grin. Blood covering his whole mouth makes it look like something out of a nightmare. “Honestly, for a minute there I thought they would kill me, but then you appeared, all big and scary – to them, of course, I’m not scared of you. Obviously. I’m Jaskier, by the way. I sing at-“_

_“Jaskier.”_

_“Yes?”_

_“Breathe.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Are you going to throw up?” It’s always better to check twice, head injuries can be tricky._

_“What? No!” Jaskier looks fully offended and it brings small smile to Geralt’s lips._

_Thant’s how it all starts._

_Two years later Jaskier is just as chatty and troublesome as on the first day they met, and Geralt feels like he couldn’t love him more._

_There’s a ring that’s hidden in his drawer at work._

_He gets a text from Jaskier that says that he’s bored and is going to redecorate their bedroom. Geralt texts back with: “You do that, lark x” and opens the drawer to take out simple, velvet box. Today is the day._

_Geralt is on his way home. He can’t stop thinking about Jaskier’s reaction when he proposes – he’s almost sure Jaskier will say yes, but there’s a small part of him that still can’t fully believe that someone as bright and beautiful as Jaskier is willing to spend his life with him._

_Geralt is lost in his thoughts and he doesn’t notice men following him right away. When he does notice, it’s too late – they surround him, silently but with evident threat._

_“Who are you?” Geralt tries to keep calm._

_“We’re Richer’s people.” One of them answers. “You might’ve get him locked up for these two years. But he’s back now, and he says you are going to pay.”_

_Geralt tilts his head and smirks. “It’s not very wise to threaten a police detective, is it?”_

_“Oh, we wouldn’t dream of it!” The man says with fake innocence. “But if you precious songbird would, so to say, fly away, you’ll know you’ve paid your debt.”_

_Something cold curls up inside of Geralt’s chest. No. Not Jaskier. Geralt knows how people like Richer work. He can’t let them get to Jaskier._

_“What bird?” Geralt furrows his eyebrows, trying his hardest to seem unbothered._

_“Don’t play with us. We know all about your little singer. Julian Pankratz.”_

_“Ah, you’re about Julian. Now I see,” Geralt is just glad that they can’t hear the frantic beat of his heart. “Well that’s a story long forgotten. I care about him as much as I care about you.”_

_“Bullshit.”_

_“I’m not proving anything to fuckers who’re gonna end up arrested for threatening detective. Now fuck off.”  
Geralt moves to go forward, his feet restless with the need to see Jaskier as soon as possible. He is stopped by the hand on his shoulder._

_“It’s not hard to find out if you’re lying. It’s even easier to find your songbird. But even if you’re telling the truth, we’ll find a way. That I can promise.”_

_Geralt shrugs off the hand and hurries home. His head is swimming. He can’t risk Jaskier’s life._

_That night he doesn’t propose to Jaskier, he breaks his heart instead._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eskel makes an appearance! 
> 
> And I promise, eventually we will move to fluff instead of angst, just bear with me for a little while<3

“I didn’t.” Geralt says. 

Jaskier swears loudly. 

“What the fuck? You almost gave me a stroke!”

“Um. Sorry.”

“No shit.” Jaskier mumbles and walks past Geralt in the direction of a bar. He knows it won’t be that easy and he won’t be left alone, but if he must have a conversation wit his ex, he’ll at least do it with a drink in hand. 

“So?” Jaskier prompts, climbing on a barstool and waving at Triss for a drink. “What are you doing here?”

Geralt’s face is of a full concentration, his lips set in such a tight line Jaskier wonders if he’ll talk at all.

“I need to-“ Geralt gives Jaskier a heavy, lingering look-over. “You look good.”

Something hot and nasty starts to bubble inside of Jaskier. Because, really? Five years after leaving him without a second thought Geralt just waltzes back in his life with “ _you look good_ ”? 

“I am well aware of the fact.” He answers coldly. “Anything else?”

Geralt is silent for several long minutes. Triss brings Jaskier his cocktail and asks if Geralt wants something only to be ignored completely by the man. Finally, he sighs heavily and speaks.

“I need to talk to you. About that day.”

And no. _No_. That is completely unnecessary and cruel and Jaskier would rather not relive that fucking day again, thank you very much.

“Nothing to talk about.” He snaps. Geralt’s face crumbles a little at his tone.

“Lark, please.” Geralt sighs, barely audible. 

Something beaks in Jaskier when he hears the endearment that used to make him go weak at the knees. He lunges himself at Geralt and closes his fist on the collar of Geralt’s shirt.

“Don’t you fucking dare call me that, Geralt.” Jaskier hisses right in man’s face. “You lost this privilege.”

Geralt looks as if Jaskier slapped him. _Good_ , Jaskier thinks. He turns on his heel and goes to his office.

***  
Geralt feels numb as he walks back home. He didn’t expect Jaskier to forgive him. Was ready to be ignored, yelled at. He was absolutely ready to take all the blame, but he wasn’t ready for Jaskier to be so repulsed by him. 

He thinks of the day he left their apartment, thinks of Jaskier’s tear-streaked face, voice full of agony and fear. Thinks of his own heartbreaking desire to stay, to hold him close, to protect. 

But the best protection he could provide was by leaving Jaskier. By being as far and distant as possible. 

When Geralt enters his apartment he finds Eskel and Ciri asleep in front of TV, some cartoon playing quietly on the screen. 

Ciri is the only good thing he’s gotten out of this whole mess, and he loves her with all his heart. He’s happy with her, he is. They’ve got their little family, and it should be enough for him, more than enough. Yet it isn’t. 

How can he ever be completely happy when every time he closes his eyes he sees Jaskier, looking at him with so much hurt in his blue eyes? 

He takes Ciri to her bed, tucks her in and sits beside her until Eskel knocks gently on the door.

“You talked to him?” His brother is uncharacteristicly quiet and composed.

“I tried to. Didn’t go well.”

“That’s what I expected.” Eskel nods. “I miss him, too, you know? You gotta fix it.”

“I know. He doesn’t want to see me, though. It’s obvious. He’s so angry with me. I think maybe I should just leave him be. He seems happy without me.”

“If there was no feelings for you left in him, why would he be so angry?” Eskel shakes his head. “Maybe he’s just as miserable without you as you are without him.”

When Eskel leaves and Geralt lays in his bed awake, he wonders if Jaskier’s feelings his brother mistook for love was actually just pure hate.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re starting to get through Geralt’s mess, yay!  
> Forever thankful for your support <3

_Geralt first meets Yennefer when he’s neck deep in that fucking case. He almost regrets arresting Richer, honestly. If he didn’t arrest him he and Jaskier would still be together. But he knows that he couldn’t just leave that jerk in the streets, so the only way to fix it is to imprison him and his people again. Then he can go back to Jaskier and beg him to understand Geralt’s shitty way of keeping him safe._

_Yennefer walks into police station one afternoon like she owns the place. Everyone is mesmerized by her, which is fair – she’s strikingly beautiful. It doesn’t do a single thing for Geralt._

_“I want to testify against Richer.” She announces._

_“And who are you?” Geralt asks tiredly, but there’s a small spark of hope in his voice._

_“Yennefer Vengerberg,” She answers with a small smile. “I’ve been working with him past three years.”_

_Geralt has an urge to arrest her, because she’s a part of a reason his life went to shit. However, he knows better than to lose such a good witness. He takes her to interrogation room and prepares himself for a long day._

_“Why do you want to go against him?”_

_“He’s became more aggressive than I’m comfortable with.”_

_Her words make Geralt angry and a bit queasy. He really doesn’t want to work with her, but what are his choices?_

_“Okay. Tell me what you know.”_

_“Complete and total protection. I won’t end up in prison and they won’t ever find me. Promise me that. Then we’ll talk.”_

_“You’ve been working on Richer for three years. It’s hardly fair.”_

_“With him.” She emphasizes, like it’s gonna make him hate her less. “And I need my freedom just as much as I need him gone. I have a daughter. I need her safe.”_

_That’s how Geralt first meets Ciri. It all becomes even more complicated from that point._

***

“Look!” Ciri shoves a piece of paper in his face. It’s too close to his eyes to really see anything but he still hums appreciatively. “I made a thank-you card for Jas!”

Geralt coughs a little. It makes something melt inside of him when his daughter talks about Jaskier with such a familiarity, using a nickname that he, himself, once used.

“Why do you call him that?” Geralt is curious. He, of course, talked to Ciri about that day – about how she should never run away from him, about how it’s dangerous to walk into strange places and to talk to strangers. Lambert might’ve interfered couple of times with his law advices that Ciri totally didn’t understand but she nodded along anyway. 

“I couldn’t say his whole name so he let me use a nickname!” Ciri is ecstatic about it. Geralt must admit he kind of shares the feeling. 

“Hm.” 

“So when are we going?”

“Where?”

“To Jas!” Ciri rolls his eyes, and okay, he needs to get rid of this habit, it’s not good for his daughter to pick it up. 

“We can’t go to him, Ciri.”

“But how will I give him my thank-you card then?” She furrows her eyebrows in that adorable way that makes Geralt do anything she wants. Not today, though.

“I’m sure he knows you’re thankful.”

“But I want to give him the card!”

Geralt can feel the beginning of headache forming behind his eyes.

“Ciri. Me and him, we’re not- friends, okay? He won’t be happy to see me.”

“He doesn’t like you?” Concern is evident in her eyes and it makes Geralt feel even worse.

“No.”

“And he doesn’t like me, too?”

“Of course he does.” Answers comes before he has a time to process it. Even the thought of someone disliking Ciri because of him makes him sick. 

“Then we can go?”

Geralt sighs heavily and takes her thank-you card to look at it properly. 

***

As soon as Geralt leads Ciri through the door he knows he made a mistake. Jaskier notices him right away and says something angrily to the girl behind the bar. 

Then he turns and walks up to him, pointing accusatively.

“ _You_!” He starts resentfully, but then he notices Ciri and his face softens. “Princess Ciri! You came back!”

Jaskier crouches in front of Ciri and it’s like Geralt isn’t even there. He doesn’t mind it, though, he’s happy to just watch them talk for a while, until Ciri tugs on his shirt.

“What is it, cub?” 

“My card!” 

Geralt fishes the card out of his jacket pocket and carefully passes it to Ciri.

“Here,” She says shyly. “I made it for you.”

Jaskier’s eyes shine as bright as ever when he takes the sheet of paper covered in messy circles and lines, and Geralt loves him. Fuck, does he love him. 

He has to fix this. Has to at least make Jaskier understand that he is not at fault for any of their misfortunes, that it is all on Geralt and that he’s sorry.

He’s going to try his best.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long!
> 
> Here we have a bit more of a backstory, hope it clears thing up a little.
> 
> Also, more Eskel because he is my absolute favorite.
> 
> Please, tell me what you think of it! x

_Yennefer shows up at Geralt’s door one afternoon with crying child and one bag in tow. She looks scared, almost panicked and Geralt quickly steps aside to let her in. She shakes her head._

_“They know, Geralt.” She says, her voice is barely above a whisper. “They know I’m a snitch. I’m in so much shit, fuck.”_

_Geralt goes cold. He and Yennefer are not exactly friends, but he’s past hating her after all the months they’ve been working together. He’s learnt her reasons, and he doesn’t support her decisions but he understands her, as much as he can. He’s grown to respect her, almost like her even._

_“We can protect you. Both of you.”_

_“You can’t. Not us both.” She thrust weeping Ciri in his hands. “Protect her. I’ll protect myself.”_

_Gerlat holds little girl awkwardly in his hands and frowns at Yennefer._

_“You can’t leave your child with me. She stays with you and police department organizes protection for both of you. That’s what we’ll do.”_

_“No.” Yennefer deposits her bag on the floor, just by his left leg. “I know how to work with them. How to hide. I can’t take Ciri with me, but I can take care for myself. Watch her for a week or two, for me, please. By then, I hope, I’ll get enough evidence for you to lock them all up.”_

_“The hell, Yen, I can’t just take your kid!” Geralt growls which is, okay, not right thing to do, as Ciri starts wailing more desperately. Geralt puts all his will to lower his voice. “I’m not a fucking babysitter.”_

_“Believe me, I know. But as you know I don’t have a family,” She almost spits the last words out, and only know Geralt fully registers how desperate she actually is. “And you’re the only person who can actually protect her.”_

_Yennefer darts forward and plants a kiss to Ciri’s cheek._

_“Please, please don’t give her away. They’ll get her if you do.” She whispers before turning around._

_“Fuck!” Geralt panics. “Wait, Yen, you can’t fucking do it”_

_But she’s already gone. Geralt curses once more and looks at crying child in his arms._

_“Fuck.”_

_His first instinct is to call Jaskier. He is good with kids, he’ll know what to do._

_But that would be terribly counterproductive, this whole mess started with him trying to protect Jaskier, he can not put him in danger because he got himself in even deeper pit of shit._

_He calls Eskel instead. He might help. He and Quinn has been working on adoption papers for last year and a half, he should be prepared, right?_

_“What’s up, brother?” Eskel sounds so careless that Geralt almost cries. He doesn’t, though. He growls instead._

_“Need your help. Come over right now.”_

_Eskel must notice the edge in his voice._

_“Shit, what is it?” There’s some rustling on the other side of the line that he barely hears. “Is someone crying in there? Geralt?”_

_“I’ve got a...child surprise.” Geralt wants to run a hand over his face to soothe the headache that he managed to acquire in past couple of minutes._

_“You WHAT?”_

_“You heard me. I’ve got a kid. I don’t know what to do with it. Come here.”_

_“On my way. Fuck. You’re such a trouble, I swear.”_

_“Bring Quinn.” Geralt barks before hanging up._

_When Eskel and Quinn burst into his apparent not fifteen minutes later Geralt is pacing the room with crying Ciri for what feels like eternity. He managed to get her into more comfortable position but it’s clearly not enough as she won’t. Stop. Yelling._

_Geralt wants to strangle himself when Quinn takes Ciri from him and his hands are finally free._

_“How the fuck?” Eskel demands._

_“Long story.”_

_“You’ll have to step over yourself and fucking tell it to me.”_

_So Geralt does. He tells him as much as he can without revealing enough information to put his family in danger. It’s enough he got Jaskier involved._

_“That’s so fucked up. Only you could manage to get in a mess this big, I swear.”_

_“I know.”_

_“Give me the bag, Eskel.” Quinn comes back into the room, with almost calm Ciri. She stopped crying, but now she quietly hiccups and Geralt doesn’t even know if it’s better or worse._

_Eskel gives Quinn the bag that Yennefer left, and takes Ciri._

_“Hush, little one, it’s okay.” He murmurs and Geralt is a bit in an awe of how his brother gets to be so soft and gentle._

_“She’s probably hungry. And scared.” Quinn ruffles through the bag in search of something, and grins widely when she manages to find box of what must be baby food._

_Geralt has never been happier his brother got married. He even forgives him for making him best man at his wedding._

_Quinn is a tiny, redhead woman, though in comparison with Eskel most women are tiny. She compensates with her loud laughter and quick wit, though, and Geralt truly likes her. Especially now._

_As Quinn dilutes baby food in the tiny bottle and warms it up, Geralt watches carefully. He realizes with dread that he’ll have to do it himself, soon._

_“I can’t do it.”_

_“Do you have a choice?” Quinn asks carefully. “Is there a possibility to take her to some more...prepared organization? Child care?”_

_“No.” Geralt sight. “She won’t be safe there.”_

_“Then you’ll have to learn.”_

_Eskel and Quinn stay at his place till the night, explaining him everything they can, showing how to bathe, feed and take care of a child. They look through all the items in the bag, reading the note Yennefer put there with all the necessary information about Ciri thrice._

_Only after Ciri is asleep in the middle of Geralt’s bed, guarded with pillows and blankets like in a small fortress, do they take their leave._

_Geralt doesn’t sleep that night, still panicked and unsettled, praying for Yennefer to return as soon as possible_.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! 
> 
> We’re slowly getting there, not long until these two finally talk things out. 
> 
> Thank you again for your support <3

Jaskier invites Ciri to a booth, claiming he owns her a milkshake after she’s put so much effort into the beauty of a card she gave him. 

Geralt doubts it takes much effort to cover a piece of paper in scribbles, but it wouldn’t be Jaskier if he didn’t act at least a little bit dramatic about it.

“Can my dad sit with us?” Ciri asks innocently, fidgeting a little.

Geralt’s heart pauses in its track while he waits for an answer. He stares at Jaskier without blinking. Jaskier doesn’t spare him a shortest glance.

“Well, if he must.” He finally answers. “Though I’m sure he’d be fine brooding somewhere in the corner.”

Ciri laughs at that, little traitor, but tugs Geralt with her to booth nevertheless.

Jaskier lets Ciri order a milkshake for herself and she goes maniac with toppings. Geralt has to stop her after she demands her whipped cream to be sprinkled with marshmallows _and_ gummy bears.

“Choose only one topping, cub, if you don’t want to go see a dentist again.”

She sighs long-sufferingly but settles for marshmallows. 

“So you like your card?” Ciri gives Jaskier her biggest smile, clearly enjoying his company and also, fishing for compliments. 

Jaskier complies and gushes over the colors and shapes, praising her artistic eye.

“Your parents must put your works in a gallery, for sure!”

“I’ve only got daddy and he’s not that good with art. Or with galleries.” She frowns. Jaskier’s eyes go wide for a fraction of a second, Geralt wouldn’t even notice if he wasn’t looking so closely at man’s face. “But I can ask my Uncle Eskel!”

Jaskier actually laughs at that. Warm and deep.

“Oh, I’m sure Eskel would do that for you, princess.”

“You know my uncle?” Ciri’s smile gets even wider, if it’s possible. Gerald is waiting for an answer as if it’s as important as air. Right now, maybe it is.

“No, no.” Jaskier backtracks, his cheeks lovely shade of pink. “But he sounds lovely.”

Geralt’s shoulders sag, though he should’ve expected such answer. There’s no need for Jaskier to acknowledge his relationship with Eskel if he’s never going to see him again. And Geralt too, for what it matters.

“He is!” Ciri exclaims. “He can lift me with one arm and he’s got the coolest scar! Right on his face!”

“Does he, now?” Jaskier muses. “He must be very strong.”

“Daddy is stronger,” Ciri pats Geralt on the knee. “He can lift Uncle Eskel!” 

“Not without a fight, I’m sure.” Jaskier smiles. 

Geralt has an urge to tell Jaskier everything that has happened in those past years, immediately. He doesn’t know if it’ll help in the slightest, but he doesn’t want Jaskier to hate him. He wants him to chat easily about his brother, wants him to tease them like he used to. 

Ciri gets her milkshake and conversation stops at that, as she’s busy getting whipped cream all over herself.

Geralt is still looking at Jaskier intensely searching for something to tell him that won’t end up in a fight.

“I never thanked you.” He finally manages. “For helping Ciri that day.”

Jaskier look at him sharply, his face unreadable, and that’s a fucking torture, okay, because he could read Jaskier so easily. But, Geralt reminds himself, it’s been long enough for Jaskier to change, to float away just enough out of Geralt’s reach. He knows he deserves it. It still hurts.

“Of course.” Jaskier says quietly. “She’s a child.”

Geralt hums. He doesn’t know what to say next. He’s never been the one to keep their conversations flowing. 

They spent next several minutes in silence so tense it feels slightly surreal. Then Ciri announces she needs to use a bathroom and Jaskier points it out for them without a word.

When they return to the booth, Jaskier is gone.

***

He never planned for Geralt to be back in his life. He hoped, of course, for the whole year he hoped for the miracle that would bring them together, but it never came. 

Jaskier never quite believed in miracles since then. 

Now, though. Now he’s not sure he wants Geralt back. It’s been too long, and hurt and betrayal sit tight in his heart. He was always fast to forgive Geralt for his harsh words because he knew he never really meant them, but if Geralt wants his forgiveness now, Jaskier is not sure he can give it to him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you: english is not my first language and I have very little experience at writing in english. So if you notice any mistakes feel free to correct me! 
> 
> Thank you so much for your support! <3

Seeing a child in the bar is not a daily occasion. Ciri is definitely the youngest kid to ever cross the porch in the three years Jaskier’s been owning the place. It’s been a surprise, too, to see her the second time, and he is man enough to admit that she warmed his heart with her huge smiles and no lesser heart. 

She’s a great child, even if love of his fucking life had to go and have sex with someone else to consume her. And maybe there’s no one else right now, if Ciri’s words are any indication, but in the past, and not after half a year after their break up, Geralt’s been with someone worthy enough to have a child with. Does that mean that Jaskier’s never meant that much to him? Probably. Anyhow, he already made his peace with it. 

He can’t bring himself to project any of those foul feelings on Ciri, though. She’s sweet and smart, and a little bit spoiled – everything that he’s ever planned to see in his own child. His and Geralt’s. 

So, Jaskier is not used to seeing kids while he’s working. He sees three today. 

He’s only started his shift behind the bar when the door opens and a kid in wheelchair easily rides in, holding the door for two tiny girls. Boy in wheelchair can’t be more than seven, he’s god a shock of red curls, his eyes are smart and searching. Girls behind him are clearly twins, their hair is dark and neatly braided, skin is dark, and eyes are glowing with excitement. The way they’re hiding a bit behind older boy is pretty cute.

“Oh fuck, there’s more of them.” Renfri mutters from behind him. “It’s the flags, I’m telling you. They’re pretty and attract kids. We need to take them off.”

“Kids are not some kind of monsters, Renfri.” Jaskier rolls his eyes. “And I’m not taking them off, it’s Pride!”

“Yeah and by the end of it we’ll turn the bar into fucking kindergarten.”

“I’ll make sure to make you the main babysitter, then.” Jaskier laughs and only just manages to dodge the wet towel that Renfri sends his way. 

“Dad!” One of the girls yells and Jaskier’s attention is back on the kids. They’re facing away from him now, clearly impatient and giddy. They cheer a little as their father steps into the bar.

“You’re getting slow, old man!” Boy laughs and Jaskier muffles his own laughter. Then he sees man’s face. 

“Eskel!” He gasps. Will the wonders never cease? Is he to wait for Lambert sometime next week? 

“Hey, summerchild.” He greets Jaskier as if they’ve seen each other only yesterday. His eyes are glinting, though, soft and a little sad. 

Jaskier steps out of the bar and practically runs into Eskel’s arms. He loves the man, okay? And he wasn’t the one to break up with him. Though...

Jaskier breaks a hug to hit Eskel with a loose fist. Predictably, he doesn’t even flinch. 

“I called you million times!” 

“Sorry, Jas.” Eskel sighs and draws him back in his arms. “Geralt made me promise I wouldn’t contact you. For your safety and stuff. Well, you know.”

“I...actually don’t know?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Why he left that day.”

“He said everything the day he left. No point in repeating it now, I remember everything perfectly.”

Eskel sighs again, and Jaskier knows this particular sight. It means “my brother is an idiot but I love him still.”

“What?” Jaskier demands. “What else did he do?”

“You’ll know soon enough.” Eskel lets him go and steps closer to his kids, and, right, kids. 

“All yours?” Jaskier smiles, looking over kids again. They eye him just as curiosly.

“All mine.” Eskel says proudly, clapping boy on the shoulder. 

And it’s so easy. So warm and comfortable and absolutely nothing like a tense silence between him and Geralt. _This_ he actually wouldn’t mind to have back. 

Seeing Eskel again is something like coming home, it doesn’t break his heart all over again, it makes him want more. 

He makes himself forget all about Eskel’s strange words about his own safety and just enjoys the company. 

Eskel’s oldest is Eric, he’s got CP, though not very severe. He can walk alright with crutches which he demonstrates proudly as he volunteers to go to the bar and order more fries for his sisters. 

Girls are Anna and Hera, they’ve just turned three and drive Eskel up the wall. He clearly loves them and Jaskier is so happy for him he might burst. 

He thinks it maybe shouldn’t be so easy – it’s been five long years, and it still hurts him to even think of Geralt, and Eskel is his brother. But, just like with Ciri, he can’t bring himself to be even a little bit apprehensive of Eskel because of Geralt’s faults. It wouldn’t be fair and Jaskier just doesn’t have an energy to be mad at someone else. He wasn’t mad at Eskel for taking Geralt’s side after they broke up and he’s certainly not mad at him now. 

So he just lets himself forget about all the shit going on in his life and basks in easy conversation and kids’ chatter. 

Almost three hours later, Anna is asleep in Eric’s chair where she climbed in to be taller than Hera. Eskel insists on paying for at least half of the food they’ve ordered which Jaskier accepts, if a little reluctantly. He’s doing good, really, he can afford a free meal for a friend. And that’s what Eskel is, even after everything. He’s a friend.

“Listen, Jask.” Eskel helps Eric reach his crutches that’ve fallen under the table and straightens to look at Jaskier with suddenly serious expression. “I’m sorry it took me so long to come see you. I... I just didn’t want to harm you, in any way.”

Jaskier still doesn’t understand what exactly Eskel means by that, but he knows better than to ask. Man’s as stubborn as his stupid brother. 

“You’re here now.” Jaskier smiles. “Thank you for that.”

“Thank you. For-” Eskel flusters, his eyes stubbornly not meeting Jaskier’s. “For taking me back.” 

“Oh, love.” Jaskier hugs Eskel as tight as he can, even if his hands aren’t long enough to fully encircle his chest. 

“And Jask?”

“Yeah?”

“I know Geralt’s an ass, but please, let him explain himself.”

“I doubt he’s even gonna try.”

“He is.”

“Okay.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments! You’re the best. Have some more drama <3

Jaskier almost expects to see Lambert crashing through his bar door with dozen kids in tow throughout following week. It doesn’t happen, and he wouldn’t say he’s disappointed, really, it’s only now that he’s seen Geralt and Eskel, he’s reminded of their time together and he kind of misses Lambert, too. 

It’s easier this way, too – to think about how he misses Lambert, how glad he is to have Eskel in his life again, how good it was to meet his adorable children. 

Jaskier doesn’t think he’s strong enough to think about why all these things keep happening. Geralt’s face, almost unchanged after five fucking years, haunts him in his dreams and his wake. He startles every time door opens, eyes flying to check for white hair and board silhouette. 

Even Triss is annoyed with him now – he’s distracted, anxious, sleep-deprived and these are _not_ good bartender qualities. So he gets resigned from bartending. In his own bar. It’s kind of humiliating, really.

His shows are good, of course, he can sing in his sleep (has been told that he does it quite often, too), and it’s the only part of a day when he feels somehow calm. 

Jaskier honestly hates it that Geralt is still able to stir him up so well and quick. He tells himself he’s over the man, and he _is_ , truly, he is. But he’s only human, okay? He can’t stop himself from thinking: yes, he’s over him, but what if he doesn’t want to be? 

These thoughts are easily discarded when he remembers the way they parted, but are followed by the thoughts of Geralt’s reasons for breaking up with him. At the very beginning he used to think it was because Jaskier finally managed to snap his patience. When he met Ciri he spent several nights lying awake, fearing that Geralt fell in love with someone else while still being with him. After talking to Eskel he wonders if there was something else.

Even if there was, Jaskier doesn’t think he’ll be able to forgive him. What Geralt did was cruel. It hardened something in him and he’s not as lighthearted as he used be. 

So, Jaskier is angry, confused, and, most of all, tired. He’s so fucking tired of this, it makes his head hurt. 

Eskel texts him eight days after their meeting asking if he can give Jaskier’s new number to Geralt.  
And it’s a tough question, isn’t it? On one hand, Jaskier doesn’t really want to talk to him. On the other hand, he is really, really curious.  
It’s midnight when Jaskier finally decides, his curiosity winning over common sense. 

_Okay. But I can’t promise I’ll answer him_. 

_Good. Thanks!_

Jaskier settles in his bed wondering if he’s going to wake up to a text from Geralt. 

He doesn’t. He wakes up, obviously, but there’s no text and Jaskier is only slightly disappointed, but mostly relived. 

***

“You look like shit.” Renfri informs him.

“Nice as always, you are.” Jaskier mumbles.

“You really do.” 

“Not you too, Triss. You were my favorite!” His comment results in the stinky washcloth being thrown in his face. Renfri is a menace, he doesn’t know why he loves her that much. Unless he does, of course. 

“He’s been bothering you again?” Triss asks, sympathetic tilt in her voice.

“The opposite.” 

“So now you want his attention?” Renfri rises her eyebrow and the conversation starts to look too much like an interrogation. It’s not nice to be on the receiving end of it, If Jaskier is honest. 

“I don’t.” He answers firmly. “I just don’t like the suspense.”

And yet suspense is all he gets for two more days. The urge to ask Eskel for Geralt’s number and text him to never text Jaskier again is becoming stronger with every hour, but no. Jaskier is not going to do that. 

Geralt texts him way after midnight. Jaskier is only awake because he’s forgotten to do his paperwork, again, and now has to finish it till the morning so he has time to submit before noon. It’s his least favorite part of owning a bar. 

_Can we talk?_

Jaskier thinks of replying with “ _no_ ”, but decides that not replying at all will hold the same message. 

Geralt texts again in the morning, the notification wakes Jaskier up and he groans straightening in the chair he fell asleep in.

 _Can I come to the bar tonight? It won’t take long_.

He texts again just after Jaskier has submitted his papers last minute. 

_Please_. 

Curiosity wins again.

 _I’ll be free from 8.00 to 8.10_. 

Jaskier sighs heavily and wonders if he just did something stupid. Again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally talk. Will it fix anything? Try to guess!

Geralt arrives half an hour early and Jaskier pretends he doesn’t see him. He’s not under any illusion that Geralt doesn’t know he’s pretending, of course, but he stubbornly keeps up with his little play. If nothing else, it at least must sting Geralt. Jaskier is petty, yes, what else is new. 

It’s 8.05 when Jaskier finally drags himself to the booth where Geralt nurses his beer. It must be warm and fairly disgusting by now. 

“Jaskier.” Geralt says in a lieu of greeting. 

“Yep, it’s me. You have five minutes. Speak on.”

His words must startle Geralt a little, but he recovers quickly, his face regaining it’s usual emotionless look. 

“I have a lot to tell. Five hours won’t be enough for it, but-“ Geralt clears his throat, his gaze fixed on his beer. “But what is really important is that I am sorry, Jaskier. I know I have no place to ask for forgiveness, but you must know that I am sorry. The way things were when we...fuck. When it happened, things were hard for me. I felt it was the only right thing to do to protect you, but I was wrong. I was so wrong, Jask, shit. I should’ve done everything differently.”

Geralt stops talking abruptly and breathes heavily, as if he held his breath while he spoke, which he probably did. Jaskier looks up at him, and for the first time in five years makes himself look, really look at the man. He is tense and looks tired, almost as tired as Jaskier feels. His eyes are fixed on the beer, still, but Jaskier can see how glassy and sad they are. He can’t describe what he, himself feels, but he can see the reflection of it in Geralt’s face. 

For whatever reason it makes him angry and bitter. And he, once again, has nothing to say.

Geralt, though, apparently has:

“I know i waited too long to apologize. I should’ve found you sooner, but I thought it was wiser to leave you be. Since I met Yen, I just became too invested with her, and after I got Ciri it only became more complicated. But you deserve the truth and if you ever want to know the whole story I’ll tell you. Tell you everything you want to know.” 

There’s desperation in his voice and when he finally looks at Jaskier his eyes hold desperation, too. That’s the most Jaskier has ever heard him talk in such a short time and it’s surprising, but it’s not enough. Nothing is probably going to be enough, at this point. 

Jaskier knows Geralt is waiting for an answer. He doesn’t give it to him.

Without so much as a nod Jaskier stands up and goes to his office. He needs to think about what Geralt’s told him. Was he at least sincere in his apologies? He probably was. 

Jaskier is about to close the door behind himself, when Geralt calls after him. Jaskier stops but doesn’t turn around – he waits for Geralt to come up to him, not knowing what to expect.

“That day,” Geralt starts, his words pained, as if he has to force every syllable out. “I had other plans. I was going to propose. But I had to leave you, before-“

“I got it.” Jaskier interrupts him. He has no desire whatsoever to listen to Geralt gushing about his love life. “Goodbye, Geralt.”

Later, much later, Jaskier is in his pajamas, wrapped up in his softest comforter, waiting for his kettle to finally boil. 

So, that’s it, then. Geralt was going to propose that very day. Not only did he leave Jaskier, he left him for someone he loved so much that he was going to propose to them. 

And it was Ciri’s mother, this “Yen”. They may not be together now, but he fell in love with her back then and presumably even married her. Of course, he had to break up with Jaskier before making such a commitment. It was only fair. 

Fuck. Jaskier was so sure he’s over Geralt. Why does he have to live through it all again? And why the hell does it hurt so much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we know that initially Geralt wasn’t going to propose to Yennefer, but here you have a tiny hint on what their relationship grew into later. Did he actually fell for her after taking Ciri in? Next chapter will reveal it (hopefully).


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to let you know that my co-author for this chapter is a bottle of champagne! 
> 
> Love you all <3

_Waiting for Yennefer to come back is nothing short of a torture. Geralt is not good with kids. He barely manages with the help of Eskel and Quinn, now mostly over the phone – he’s not risking by dragging them to his place again._

_He still works, of course. Getting this case sorted out is the only way to get rid of a kid and get back with Jaskier. If Jaskier ever wants to see him again, that is._

_But it’s beside the point. The point is — it’s been almost a month and Yennefer is nowhere to be seen. Geralt’s is on the edge. He is one sleepless, anxious night away from calling childcare. But he can’t do that. Not until Ciri is safe there._

_Geralt paces the room with Ciri close to his chest. She’s been crying for last half an hour but by now he knows how to handle it, if still quite shakily. He hums to her and even tries to talk in his gentlest voice. It works and in what feels like no time at all she’s asleep. Geralt prepares food for her while she’s napping in her crib and wonders if this tiny girl feels how wrong the situation is. If she longs for Yennefer to return, too, if she feels that the man who’s responsible for her life right now just doesn’t have it in him to love her._

_He feels sorry for this child. No one should be left like this. He knows. If it wasn’t for Vesemir neither he nor his brothers would have a loving family, and sometimes he still dreams of cold walls and loneliness that filled his life before he was adopted. So he tries, as hard as he can, to make Ciri feel loved, but his heart is just not in it._

_And she probably can feel it._

_Some nights, when Geralt sits in front of the crib, looking at Ciri, peacefully asleep, he wonders if he can’t love her because his whole heart is owned by Jaskier. He loves him so deeply and sharply it still surprises him that he can feel so much._

_***_

_Another three months pass when he finally closes the case. He feels calm and safe and almost happy. It’s going to get better now, for sure. Yennefer will come back for her daughter and he’ll explain everything to Jaskier._

_Yennefer doesn’t come back. What does come his way is a package. It’s filled with papers and when Geralt opens it his heart halters._

_***_

_“I mean, technically it’s legal. I have no idea how she managed to do that but it’s absolutely flawless. You can still waive parental rights, of course. But there’re really no holes in these papers.” Lambert shakes his head._

_“I have no parental rights to waive, Lambert.” Geralt snarls. “I’m not her fucking parent.”_

_Ciri coos happily from where she’s seated on his lap. It’s absolutely inappropriate and doesn’t fit the situation. Geralt holds her closer._

_“Well, according to this you are.” Geralt would be agitated to consult another lawyer if he wasn’t sure Lambert is the best in the sphere. “Who isn’t her parent – again, according to the papers – is Yennefer Vengerberg.”_

_Great. Just great. Who the fuck does that? Geralt should fucking sue her. Only it’s pointless, isn’t it, now? She’s way too smart for leaving any evidence of her fraud._

_***_

_Another month passes and Geralt still hasn’t signed papers lying on his kitchen table. He probably should. He’s not suited for being a father, especially a single father. Ciri would be happier in a good, full, functional family. She would. Wouldn’t she?_

_***_

_Ciri is playing with her brightly colored, plush pyramid, completely messing the order of pieces. It falls down, predictably, and she points an accusatory finger first at her ruined pyramid, then at Geralt._

_“Da!” She cries, her bottom lip already wobbly. “No!”_

_Something breaks inside of Geralt, his throat is suddenly tight._

_“It’s okay, cub.” He manages. “We’ll fix it.”_

_He sits on the floor next to his little girl and helps her build a good, steady pyramid._

_That night, after Ciri is fed, bathed and put to sleep, he burns the papers over the sink. He’s almost sure that he’s burning his potential reunion with Jaskier along with it, too_.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi loves! 
> 
> Prepare yourselves for some more angst. Oops?
> 
> Warning: there’s homophobia and homophobic slur in this chapter.

Jaskier doesn’t see Geralt for three long weeks. It’s better this way, of course. It’s not like he wants too see him, not like they have anything to talk about anymore. 

Jaskier busies himself with taking off pride flags, even though he likes how they look decorating the entrance. He loudly contemplates just leaving them there forever, while Renfri holds onto the stepladder as it wobbles when Jaskier becomes overly enthusiastic with gesticulating. 

These flags bought Ciri to his bar, Jaskier remembers, and, subsequently, Geralt. So he takes them off, eventually, and stores them in the dusty closet in his office. 

***

“Couldn’t you, for once, speak like a normal person?” Lambert looks like he’s going to hit Geralt and while it’s not a rare occasion, Geralt prefers to take a step back, behind kitchen table, shielding himself with Hera and Anna. Older kids have already finished their dinner and now are playing outside with Eskel and Vesemir. 

Therefore, Lambert is the first one to know about his latest conversation with Jaskier. He’s not taking it well.

“He didn’t let me finish. I tried to explain.”

“Right, explain.” Lambert rolls his eyes. “I’m sure you made him believe you did something even more stupid than what you actually did.”

“How would I explain everything in five minutes, anyway?” Geralt growls, frustrated. Anna looks up at him, single spinach leaf hanging off from her half-open mouth. Geralt briefly wonders how Eskel managed to make his kids eat spinach without complain, before his mind riles back to Jaskier. He totally didn’t let him finish, preventing Geralt from explaining himself fully. It wasn’t his fault, this time. 

“You could start with this: _Bad guys wanted to hurt you because of my job and I, the complete idiot, decided to leave you to keep you safe._ ”

“Lambert.”

“What! It’s the truth. And works much better than vague talks about proposals and your kid’s mother.”

“Fuck you.” Geralt bites, mostly because he doesn’t have anything better to say. When Hera giggles, though, he sighs, defeated. “Don’t tell Eskel I cursed in front of his kids.”

“Sure.” Lambert agrees, too easily. “If you go and talk to Jaskier properly.”

“He made it clear that he doesn’t want any more talks from me.”

“Only because you failed at last one. Speak to him, I’m serious. He deserves to know the truth.”

“He does. But I’m not going.”

Lambert rises his eyebrow at him.

Geralt sighs once again, even more defeated. 

***

It’s just his luck that everything happens as he’s taking out the trash, with Renfri nowhere in sight. Three men crowd him behind the bar, their expressions of matching drunk anger. Jaskier remembers them – they showed up at the bar earlier, already drunk, in the middle of the afternoon, and proceeded to get even drunker throughout the evening. Never a good sign.

“Heard your little talk about those faggot flags.” One starts. 

Well, shit.

“If you didn’t like them, gentlemen, you could’ve easily gone to another place.” Jaskier tries, though he already knows it won’t work.

“So, some twink is gonna tell us where to drink our beer?” 

Jaskier is almost ready when the first blow comes. He manages to dodge it, his back hitting the trash can behind him.  
Second blow, though, catches him, knocking all the air out of his lungs. Then there’s a strong hand holding him up by his shirt and just as strong fist splitting his lip. Jaskier keeps kicking and flailing his arms but it only makes his attackers angrier. He looses track of time after that, but it cannot be longer than ten minutes when they leave him heaving on the ground. 

His vision is still swimming by the time he tries to get up, but drunken laughter can still be heard not so far away and Jaskier knows better than to wait for them to come back and finish with him. It doesn’t feel like he’s got concussion, so he drags himself up and makes his way towards the bar, praying for Renfri to see him before he can catch attention of all their patrons and, involuntarily, cause a scene. 

Jaskier gathers his remaining strength and pushes through the door. Unfortunately, it’s all his body can take at the moment and he feels nausea overtaking him as his knees buckle and then he’s falling down. 

***

Jaskier is nowhere to be seen and Geralt, once more, regrets his decision to come here. Maybe it’s his day off and he’s not going to come at all, and now Geralt is dumbly standing in room full of people, with no idea what to do next. Fucking Lambert, it’s all his fault.

Geralt turns around to leave the place, when the door slowly opens, and someone comes in. It takes Geralt couple of seconds to realize that this someone is Jaskier, and that he is covered in blood. He instinctively dashes forward, his arms outstretched, and it’s a good thing that he’s been taught to work on autopilot in such situations, because his mind is completely blank aside for a sheer panic. He catches Jaskier before he can fall down and hauls him up on his feet. 

“Renfri?” Jaskier mumbles, slowly raising his eyes. Thin stream of blood flows from his mouth as he speaks. Geralt is ready to fucking kill someone.

“Who did this?” He growls.

“Geralt?” Jaskier mumbles, almost unintelligible. His lip is already puffing up and there’s a sings of what is going to become a nasty black eye by tomorrow morning. 

“Jaskier. _Who did this to you?_ ”

“Maybe I did get a concussion after all.” Jaskier is looking at him like he’s not really there. Because he wasn’t there for him for such a long time, Geralt’s numb mind reminds him. It’s no surprise Jaskier is surprised to see him when he’s in trouble. 

“Jaskier, concentrate.” Geralt tightens his grip when he feels Jaskier slipping down. He’s a mess, God. Geralt should’ve never left him, not for a second. He attracts trouble like a magnet. 

It’s not until Jaskier frowns at him that Geralt realizes he said the last part out loud. 

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have left me, then.” He replies, his voice drowsy and eyes slightly unfocused. 

Geralt’s breath catches in his throat, his eyes are frantic, searching Jaksier’s face to find any signs of him meaning it, maybe even still wanting him, when someone snatches Jaskier from him almost violently.

“Renfri.” Jackie’s sighs tiredly, falling into arms of a fierce looking woman.

“What the fuck?” She demands. “Did you do it to him?”

“No.” Jaskier mutters before Geralt can answer. It doesn’t make Geralt feel better, because he didn’t do it, no, but he also didn’t prevent it. 

At least the woman – Renfri – relaxes at that and doesn’t look like she’s planning Geralt’s homicide anymore.

“What happened?” She asks, softer, looking at Jaskier. He doesn’t answer her, either, probably half unconscious already. 

“Call the ambulance.” Geralt tells her. “And I need to take a look at your cameras. You have them, right?”

Renfri looks at him questioningly, and Geralt tries to calm his nerves, it’s not the right time to snap. He has things to do. 

“I’m from police.” He clarifies. 

Renfri nods and tells him to wait for her while she takes Jaskier to his office and calls the ambulance. Geralt nods and takes out his own phone to call his father. Ciri will have to spent the night at his place.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I disappeared for a while, stupid job kept me busy:( 
> 
> Thank you so much for your support<3 Love you all!

Two days later Jaskier wakes up to a text from Geralt. He didn’t save his number but he recognizes digits before he can even open the messenger. It’s annoying.

 _Arrested those fuckers_. 

It almost makes Jaskier feel better about the situation, but his face is still a mess and it hurts if he takes a breath too deep. He doesn’t respond to Geralt, though it would probably be polite to thank him at least. 

Jaskier doesn’t plan to get back to work for at least a week, but he has enough paperwork to busy himself with. As he’s finishing his monthly account report his phone lights up with another notification. He hastily opens it, mentally kicking himself for hoping it’s from Geralt. 

It’s from Renfri. 

_Your friend with a bunch of kids came looking for you. Gave him your address. You could use company_. 

Jaskier thinks he should be mad at Renfri for giving up his personal information, but he can only smile at prospect of seeing Eskel again. 

He smiles even wider when he opens the door, an hour later, and sees both Eskel and Lambert. 

“Sunshine boy!” Lambert howls, hugging him so hard his bruised body screams in pain. “I missed your face!”

“My face isn’t in it’s best condition right now.” He chuckles when Lambert lets him go. 

“Still the prettiest boy out there.” Lambert grins and Jaskier can only laugh in response.

They settle on the couch, and as Jaskier and Lambert catch up on all the time they missed from each other’s lives, Eskel excuses himself and walks out of the room. He comes back couple of minutes later, several pieces of paper in his hand. He gives them to Jaskier, soft smile playing on his lips.

“Kids made them for you.”

Jaskier takes the papers and looks through them, his mouth agape. There’re kid’s scrabbles all over them, mostly just haphazard shapes and splashes of colors, but one of drawings is accompanied with actual words, and Jaskier reads them gingerly. _“Jaskier, uncle G said some bad men hurt you. I hope you’re okay. And I hope they fall on their ~~asses~~ butts and get struck by the lightning(in a bad way). Get well! Eric.”_

“Is there a good way to get struck by the lightning?” Jaskier asks, his eyes prickling with tears. 

“I asked him and he said that he didn’t want them to get any superpowers from it.” Eskel says. “I also had to tell him off for using a bad word.”

“Which is stupid and unfair.” Lambert chimes in. “The kid is hilarious.”

“That he is.” Jaskier agrees, hugging his get-well cards to his chest. “And also lovely. Girls, too. They don’t even know me!” 

“They know you enough to care about you.” Eskel points out in a soft voice. 

“Your kids are the best. Also, these cards are so going to my fridge.” 

“Don’t let them know it, though.” Lambert laughs. “Once they found out I put their drawings on the fridge they started a competition of fridge-worthy drawings. There were dozens of pictures every week. It was crazy.” 

Eskel nods empathetically, but all Jaskier can think about is how much he wants that. Oh, how happy would he be to get so many messy, lovely scribbles, that his fridge couldn’t fit them all anymore. It sounds lovely, and hilarious and so fucking cozy. His heart hurts a little to even think about it.

Eskel and Lambert seem to understand his mood better than he does. 

“You should come to the barbecue next weekend.” Lamber announces.

“Vesemir would be happy to see you.” Eskel adds. “Kids, too.”

Jaskier can’t help but notice how none of them mention Geralt. Is it because he wouldn’t be as happy or because they don’t think Jaskier wouldn’t want to see him? Well, Jaskier doesn’t think he wants to know answer to that question just yet.

“I-“ Jaskier stops to clear his throat. “I’m not sure if I should.”

“You should.” Eskel insists. “Geralt is not the only one who lost you all those years ago.”

“We missed you, sunshine boy.” Lambert looks at him with with eyes so sad, Jaskier wants to scream. 

He doesn’t deserve these men. They’re big, strong and so fucking _noble_. And they really do love Jaskier. They want to keep him in their lives. So fuck Geralt. Fuck whatever he thinks and wants. No matter how much it’s going to hurt, Jaskier isn’t going to loose this whole family. He isn’t. 

***

“Jaskier is coming to barbecue next week.” Eskel announces. 

Kids start to cheer immediately and Geralt is kinda terrified that he wants to join them. His head buzzed with thoughts. Doest that mean that Jaskier can tolerate his presence? Does that mean that Jaskier can, eventually, forgive him? 

“He knows I’ll be there, right?” He specifies. He can barely hide his excitement. This past month feels like eternity and at the same time like a flash of a second. His fragile hope has been broken more that once but it keeps returning and it’s maddening, really. It keeps him on his toes. It’s the worst, and, at the same time, the best feeling ever. 

“Yes.” Lambert nods, his eyes unusually serious. “And you better not fuck it up.”

Geralt can’t even find it in himself to be offended. He’s just too fucking happy to have another chance to see Jaskier again. This time, he’ll talk to him even if it’s the last thing in his life he does. 

Sometimes it feels like he’s trying too much, like he’s imposing himself on Jaskier, but he can’t help but feel that it’s not time to stop. Like if he tries just a little bit harder he can have Jaskier back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have more dynamics than most of the fic;) get ready!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! 
> 
> Had to divide this chapter into two parts, here’s the first one! Enjoy ❤️ 
> 
> Please let me know what you think of it! x

The weather is fantastic on the day of barbecue and Jaskier is tiny bit pissed about it because he was kind of hoping he could skip if it rained or something. But the sky’s clear and sun is warm and there isn’t even the hint of wind. 

Truth is, he’s not as ready to face Geralt as he hoped. It’s hard to let go of the fact that he’s happy, and has been happy all this time, without Jaskier. Even harder since Jaskier isn’t exactly over him. He was over, don’t get him wrong, he loves himself too much to pine after someone for five long years even if that someone is Geralt, but lately something’s been shifting inside of him. 

However, Jaskier is not a coward. He dresses as prettily as barbecue dress code allows and smudges a bit of concealer over his fading bruises. 

Kids will be there and kids are the best of resolving tense situations. He’ll make it through. 

Lambert picks him up despite Jaskier insistence that he remembers where Vesemir’s house is and can get there by himself.

“Hey, pretty boy.” Lambert grins as Jaskier gets inside the car. “Ready to get drunk before four p.m.?”

“I thought it was a family day?”

“Yeah but if anything goes wrong with Geralt I’m punching him in the face and we’re getting shit-faced in the attic. Eskel wanted to join, but he’s on a kid duty.”

“Wow, so much hope for Geralt and I having a civil conversation.”

“I’m sure you’ll be civil, but we both know how Geralt gets when he’s nervous.”

Jaskier wants to ask what Geralt is so nervous about but decides against it. Maybe Lambert exaggerates – it won’t be the first time. 

Everyone is already outside when they get to Vesemir’s place and Jaskier barely has time to reminisce before he has four kids around him, chattering and tugging him outside. The backyard is spacious, with a swing set, sandbox and a big, wooden table in the middle. 

Vesemir greets him first, clearly prepared to see him, his eyes are soft in contradiction to his sharp nod and strong handshake. He’s never been a talker, but Jaskier finds comfort in his familiar gestures. 

Once Vesemir retreats, taking kids with him with a promise to help with their sandcastle, Jaskier looks over the backyard again and finds Eskel and Geralt talking quietly next to the grill. As if on cue, Geralt turns his head and meets Jaskier’s eyes. He tilts his head slightly to the side and action reminds Jaskier of a cat watching it’s prey, ready to attack. Geralt doesn’t attack, though, just nods at Jaskier. He can’t see his face clearly from this distance but it seems Geralt really is nervous. It’s unsettling and unfamiliar and plainly wrong. 

Jaskier returns greeting belatedly, but Geralt patiently waits for it, and only after Jakier nods does he turns back to the grill. 

Eskel, clearly watching their silent conversation, tells something else to Geralt and walks up to Jaskier. Before he can say something, though, Jaskier almost gets swiped off his feet with read headed hurricane. 

“Can’t believe I’m the last to meet you!” Quinn shrieks. “Kids been bragging about their new friend for weeks! And they just won’t believe that I knew you first!”

And just like that Jaskier is laughing, encompassed in warmth, delicious smells and light conversations. No one mentions his bruises, or the whole incident at all, and he’s thankful. 

It feels like home, he realizes, when he’s helping Quinn with chopping vegetables for the salad. It really does. Despite everything that’s happened, everyone still wants him around. Maybe except for Geralt. He still can’t be sure about him. 

But he’s not letting it dampen his mood, not today. He dumps tomatoes in a one of three bowls that need to be filled and asks Quinn if she’s managed to get back to work after adopting kids. 

“I never really stopped, to be honest.” She shrugs. “Took couple of months off, to get everything settled after we took girls in only a month after Eric, but they’re mainly on Eskel. He works from home half of the time, anyway.” 

“Eskel is really good with them.”

“Thick as thieves, the four of them.” Quinn rolls her eyes. “But I love it. You should see the wooden plane he constructs with Eric. Might need a bigger house once it’s finished.”

“You can always bring it to the bar. We can hang it to the ceiling. Perhaps, it’ll distract me from those cracks that annoy me so much.”

“Well, I’ll have to visit the bar myself first, to see if It’ll suit the interior design. Maybe also check if drinks are as good as you assume they are.”

“Ohh, it’s a date.” He winks, dumping next portion of tomatoes into the second bowl. 

They bring out salads and snacks half an hour later and find the table already piled with burgers and steaks. 

Eskel and Vesemir take girls out of sandbox, trying to persuade them to wash their hands, and Geralt asks Ciri to come with Eric to wash up, too. 

“Can Jaskier take me?” She pouts, slightly. 

Geralt crouches in front of her and puts an arm on her tiny shoulder. Jaskier, for some reason, can’t take his eyes off them. 

“You’re old enough to do it yourself, cub.” 

“But I like Jaskier.” She reasons, and isn’t it adorable. Jaskier inches closer to them. Geralt looks up immediately, his face soft, eyes apologetic. 

“Sorry, it’s just she’s been waiting to see you again all week and-“

“It’s okay.” Jaskier interrupts. “More than okay. I’d love to help.”

Geralt doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are piercing amber and there’s something in them that Jaskier can’t quite explain. But somehow it feels important. Maybe too important, because Jaskier suddenly feels like he’s on fire. 

“I- um, will you show me to the bathroom, then, princess?” Right, kids, perfect for breaking the tension. 

Jaskier follows Ciri inside, but he can still feel Geralt’s eyes on him. It feels strangely familiar. 

Bathroom break gives him a chance to come to his senses. By the time they make their way outside Jaskier is almost calm.  
It lasts exactly three seconds. 

The reason is a tall, furious, dark haired woman. Although, no, the reason is Geralt yelling at tall, furious, dark haired woman. 

“What the hell, Yen? Who gave you permission to come here, asking for something that doesn’t belong to you?”

Oh, fuck. That’s Yen, then. Ciri’s mom. And the family meeting is obviously isn’t going smoothly. 

“What doesn’t belong to me? I’m her-“

“No. Don’t even say that. Because you’re not. You. Are. Not.” Jaskier’s rearly seen Geralt so angry. It should be scary, Because Ciri grabs his arm so tightly it almost hurts. But it only makes Jaskier worried about Geralt. Fuck. He instinctively pushes Ciri behind himself, thinking that he probably should take her back inside the house, but his legs won’t move.

“She deserves to know her family!” Yen snarls. “You can’t take that from her. Or from me.”

“You gave it up herself. I’m not taking anything. And she has family.”

“Single father is not enough!”

“It’s enough. And she’s got more than just me.”

“More?” Nasty smile appears on Yen’s face and she tears her eyes off Geralt to glare at everyone else, it seems, only she stops abruptly, noticing Ciri, and, of course, Jaskier, whose hand she’s holding.

“Is this-“ She starts and Geralt looks over his shoulder, his face pale when he traces her line of sight.

Jaskier acts quickly. He bends over, his lips just above Ciri’s ear.

“Play along, Princess, okay? It’s gonna be a fun game. Like theater.”

Once Ciri shakily nods, he straightens and looks right at Yen.

“This,” he puts his palm in the center of his chest with a brilliant smile. “Is Ciri’s other parent. Pleased to finally meet you.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two is here! 
> 
> Thank you thousands times for your support! Love you x

“You’re...what?” Yennefer looks like she’s gonna spit fire soon and Geralt can’t help but look apprehensively between her and Jaskier. It’s really not how this day was supposed to go. 

“ _Who_ ” would be more correct, don’t you think?” Jaskier laughs softly and fuck, how’s he so good at acting? Geralt certainly can’t copy that right now. What the fuck is even going on? 

Before he can overthink this situation any further, though, Eskel, Vesemir and three shrieking kids emerge from the house and Geralt can just feel everything going to shit even deeper than before. Jaskier, however, is quick to react, once again. 

“Eskel! Could you please take Ciri to swings with other kids?”

“Swings?” Eskel frowns. “But we’ve only just washed them up and- who the hell is it?”

“Dad!” Eric laughs, delighted. “You said _hell_!”

“Which was very naughty of him,” Jaskier rushes. “But right now...”

Luckily, Quinn saves him from an awkward explanation and comes forward to lead everyone, except from Jaskier, away from the battlefield. 

Geralt casts a glance at his father and Lambert and yes, they look as confused and irritated as he expected. Great.

“Now!” Jaskier is suddenly at his side. “You really didn’t choose the best day to visit. Should we reschedule? I think we should.”

“Shut it, twink, for half a second.” Yennefer puts a hand on her forehead in exasperation. “Why is he calling himself my daughter’s parent, Geralt?”

“Because he is.” Geralt replies without thinking. These words feel way too good to be true to himself, and by Yennefer’s reaction he understands that she doesn’t really believe them either.

“Stop bullshitting me.” She demands. “Your little charade won’t keep me away from my child.”

“Charade!” Jaskier exclaims, sounding as offended as only he can. “Can you believe this woman, Geralt?” 

Geralt can only manage a halfhearted grunt, because _yes_ , he can believe this woman, it is a charade after all. Jaskier puts his arm around Geralt’s waist at that. It’s such a familiar gesture, even after five years. It feels right, it grounds him, helps him breathe. Jaskier keeps chattering something in this flamboyant manner of his and Geralt doesn’t really listen to him, tries to grasp the feeling of Jaskier’s arm on him instead.

“Nonsense! He wouldn’t be able to tolerate you for so long.” At that, several things happen at the same time: Geralt’s attention snaps back to conversation, Jaskier’s arm around him loosens it’s grip, and Yen smiles predatory, sensing that she said something truthful enough. 

Only she didn’t. Geralt knows it, but Jaskier clearly doesn’t, so Geralt moves closer to him, takes his smaller hand in his and holds tight. 

“I have no need to tolerate someone I love. And you have no need to ruin a family celebration. I tried to contact you for a long time. Remember what you did, back then? Sent me papers stating that you’re not Cirilla’s mother anymore.”

It works like a slap on the face. Yennefer takes a step back, eyes wide.

“You know damn well why I did it, Geralt. Everything is different now.”

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s different. In fact, it’s so different now that nothing can be changed. You’re a stranger to her. Let’s keep it that way.” 

“It’s not the end, Geralt. Don’t think I’ll give up.” Yennefer threatens, before turning around and storming away, nearly wreaking small wooden gates on her way out. 

“That was...fucking crazy.” Jaskier sighs next to him and Geralt is suddenly reminded of the fact that they’re still holding hands. He doesn’t want to let go. He wants to explain, make Jaksier understand that what Yennefer said was not right, that it was the biggest lie she could master and that Jaskier shouldn’t believe it for a second.

“Jaskier, what she-“ He starts, but Jaksier interrupts him.

“Ciri!”

“What?”

“She’s crying.” Before Geralt can process what he said, Jaskier is tugging him towards the swing set, and, sure enough Ciri is there, sitting on Lambert’s lap, weeping softly.

“Daddy!” She cries. Geralt lets go of Jaskier’s hand and collect his distraught daughter from Lambert, holding her close to his chest. 

***

The rest of the day is hazy, at best. Jaskier tries not to look at Geralt more than necessary. No one mentions what just happened near Ciri or other kids, but the conversation is silted and glances are heavy with unspoken questions. 

As kids eat, adults are busy with helping, preventing major messes and fixing minor ones, but once it’s over and kids are back in sandbox, Jaskier can feel the conversation coming. He really doesn’t feel like participating, afraid of judgment from Geralt, and maybe even others. He knows he shouldn’t have acted like that. Geralt played along, of course, he didn’t really have a choice, but now he’ll have to tell his ex that he stopped seeing someone who was their daughter’s parental figure and it’s going to be Jaskier’s fault. 

And what did he even expect? They’re her parents, despite their quarrels, they’ll have to see each other, talk to each other. Like Yennefer said, it’s not over. And Jaskier made it even more complicated than before. 

“Jas!” Ciri calls his name, little savior, and he excuses himself from the table. 

“What is it, Princess?”

“Can you take me to swings? I’m not allowed there without adults yet.” 

“Sure.” He smiles, despite his foul mood. “Let’s go.”

Ciri climbs onto swing seat and as he starts carefully pushing her, it hits him that he really wouldn’t mind actually being her paren. Jaksier, of course, thought about having kids, but they’ve always been more _hypothetical_ and actually being with Ciri is like putting a lost piece of jigsaw right into it’s place. 

“Who was that lady?” Ciri asks suddenly, and, wow, okay, this part of parenthood is way more complicated than helping her wash her hands or receiving cute drawings. 

“I think you should ask your dad about it.” 

“But what if he gets upset again?” Ciri frowns. Jaskier’s heart melts a little, his smile dims. She’s such a sensitive child. Geralt really did good with her. Who would have thought he’d be such an amazing father? 

“Even if he does, you’ll comfort him, right? One little smile of yours will lift his mood right up to the sky!” Jaskier winks. “Maybe even higher.”

“There’s nothing higher than the sky, silly!” Ciri giggles.

“What about the space, then, little genius?”

“Space is not higher.” Ciri scrunches her nose adorably. “It’s further!”

Jaskier laughs at that, happy that the conversation is forgotten for now. 

As the day proceeds, Ciri never really leaves Jaskier’s side. It saves him from conversation with Geralt, who keeps looking at him. Eskel also looks, but his looks aren’t as loaded, more supportive. 

Lambert, bless his soul, sneaks him whiskey-cola as he brings refreshments for kids, and also doesn’t start a conversation more serious than small talk. 

As kids start getting tired and whiny Eskel announces it’s time for a nap and Geralt takes Ciri from Jaskier, too. 

“I’d like to talk to you, after I put her down for a nap.” He says to Jaskier. It sends chills down his spine, for some reason. Geralt sounds too serious, and he doesn’t feel like being scolded. So, once Geralt leaves he says his goodbyes as quickly as he can and asks Lambert to take him home.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta admit, seeing your outraged, angry comments fills me with greatest joy. 
> 
> But for now, let’s release some tension;)

As their car pulls away, Jaskier can’t help but look in the rearview mirror. After all, it might be the last time he sees that house after his supreme fuck up. 

Lambert is silent beside him, and he is thankful for that at least. 

It’s okay, Jaksier tells himself, he didn’t want to make up with Geralt anyway, why would he care? He does, still. He cares about Ciri, doesn’t want his stupidity cause her any distress. Cares about Geralt, too, if he’s honest with himself. Which is fucking stupid. 

What is more stupid, though, is Geralt, who suddenly emerges from the house, and Jaksier’s eyes are glued to mirror now for all the different reasons. Geralt takes couple of quick steps after the car and Jaskier is suddenly panicking, because what if he runs after them? What if Lambert sees him and stops the car?

He doesn’t know if he hates the idea or actually secretly hopes for it to happen. Because Geralt doesn’t look angry – he looks confused and kind of lost. 

He doesn’t run after them. Lambert doesn’t stop. Jaksier looks in the mirror until Geralt becomes a blurry spot in the distance. 

***

Triss is behind the bar with him when he finally musters up the courage to tell her and Renfri what happened. He waits for Renfri to finish taking orders and then pours his heart out till he feels numb. It’s somehow liberating to have this conversation, admit his mistakes, even if it’s not with the right person. 

“I really don’t think he hates you for it.” Triss says, thoughtfully. “He might even be thankful, you know?”

“Besides, you have more reasons to hate him. Even if you did fuck up, he’s still way ahead of you.” 

“Always so comforting, Renfri.” Triss scolds her, but there’s no real heat behind it. 

“What? It’s true!”

“It is, but I still feel like shit.”

“Then talk to him. When you were the one to avoid drama?” Renfri smirks, and, well, she’s not wrong. 

***

Jaskier spends twenty minutes writing and rewriting the text, and honestly, half of his songs took less to compose. 

_Sorry about yesterday. Shouldn’t have made a scene. Hope Yennefer won’t be too mad when you tell her the truth._

He hits send. Then he goes right up to the stage and tries (and fails spectacularly) not to think about what Geralt will reply. 

When the set is over Jaskier avoids his phone like a plague, but by the time they’re closing his nerves are eating him alive, so he unlocks the phone and sure enough, there’s a text. And not one, even. Three in a row, each sent less then a minute apart.

_Have no intention to talk to her again, no need to worry about how she feels about it._

_Thank you for helping, I’m glad you managed to keep Ciri out of it._

_Cirilla and I plan to go stargazing next weekend. Would you accompany us?_

Jaskier rereads last text so many times words stop making sense. Not that they ever did in the first place, per se. 

It seems like not only Geralt’s not mad about what happened, he’s actually thankful, and he wants to invite him along to a hike? To stargaze, for gods sake?  
Jaskier can’t wrap his mind around it. 

He thinks about it on his ride home, thinks about it in the shower and still can’t stop thinking about it when he’s curled up in his bed. 

Does Geralt think that, just because Jaskier pretended to be his significant other in front of his crazy ex and his whole family, they’re now friends? 

It wouldn’t be too uncalled for, considering the whole thing, but it really wasn’t what Jaskier meant. Yes, his feelings are total mess lately, even he, himself, can’t decipher them, but surely he didn’t make Geralt believe he’s forgiven now? It’s been hell enough to hear Geralt say “because he is.” When Yennefer asked why’s he calling himself Ciri’s parent. Or worse, when Geralt said “I have no need to tolerate someone I love.” whilst holding his hand. 

He couldn’t get these words out of his head for last day and a half. They literally gave him headache. He knows Geral didn’t mean them, but it doesn’t mean his foolish heart didn’t want him to. 

He’s definitely not going to cause himself even more heartache by going stargazing.

_I’m glad I didn’t cause any trouble, but what I did was only to protect Ciri. I don’t think going to the trip with you is either right or necessary._

Jaskier goes to sleep with heavy head and heavier heart. 

***

“Hey, sunshine boy!” Lambert says as soon as Jaskier picks up the phone. 

“Lambert, hi. Miss me already?”

“Always do, you know that.” Lambert laughs. “But I’m actually calling on Ciri’s behalf.”

“Is she okay?”

“Relax, mother hen, she’s fine. But I picked her up from preschool today and she was really upset about her upcoming trip. Said it was because you’re not going.” 

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“I just don’t want to make it even worse with Geralt.”

“That I can understand. Not so sure about her, though. Seem like she thinks you don’t want to be her friend anymore.”

“That’s really not it!” Jeaskier flails his free arm so rampantly he almost knocks over empty cocktail glass. 

“I get it, pretty boy, no need to yell.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Jaskier takes a deep breath. “I just... I can’t do that. I just can’t.”

“It’s fair.” Lambert agrees. Then, “You haven’t talked to Geralt yet, have you? Properly, I mean.”

“I’m not sure there’s anything that needs to be discussed between us.”

“So that’s a no.” Lambert pauses and Jaskier almost thinks it’s the end of conversation. “Maybe you should join them, after all. For Ciri. Child is distressed. It almost hurts to look at her.”

“Stop manipulating me, you ass.” Jaskier huffs. Lambert just laughs and ends the call.

Jaskier glares at his phone for couple of seconds before giving up.

_Where should I meet you for the trip?_


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it too much for me to say that I love you all before every chapter? I don’t care. You’re the best and I love you for your support forever and always x

Initially, Geralt wanted to leave in the early morning, but the plan was quickly put aside as he wasn’t sure Ciri is ready for a full day and night trip just yet, so he insisted on extra long nap before they set out in the evening. It’s just after nine when they pull up in front of the supermarket and he’s fairly sure Ciri can stay up until there’re actual stars in the sky.

Ciri is delighted when Jaskier walks up to them. He carries a small bag with him and there’s a strap over his shoulder, but Geralt doesn’t see a guitar behind his back. Probably an ukulele, then. He looks quite picturesque on the mainly deserted parking lot. It’s pretty late for any crowds, though there are some people walking in and out of the sliding doors. They only need to get some food for their small hike, but Gerat didn’t want to do the shopping without Jaskier. Who knows what kind of healthy food obsession he’s on right now? Certainly not Geralt. He barely managed to keep track of it when they were still together.

As soon as Jaskier is close enough Geralt lets go of his daughter’s hand who’s been tugging on it impatiently ever since she spotted Jaskier walking out of the cab. She rushes forward, already yelling something about their new, fancy tent that he purchased for this trip. It wasn’t exactly necessary – they didn’t even plan on spending the night in the forest, until he and Ciri had Harry Potter marathon and she saw trio camping in their tent and absolutely insisted on doing the same. Geralt regretted showing her those movies, he truly did. Eskel laughed at him for two days straight. 

“So, I am Ron.” Geralt hears Ciri explain as she and Jaskier make their way towards him. “Because I am, too, a lion. And I have a lot of similings.”

“It’s “siblings”, Princess.” Jaskier gently corrects her. Geralt frowns at the warm feeling, pooling in his chest.

“Okay.” 

“And who’s your dad and I?”

“You’re Harry Potter, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

“And dad can be Hermione. He has all these...hair.”

“Sounds very logical to me.” Jaskier agrees, his smile wide. 

“Can’t I be Dumbledore, cub?” He asks, just in case. “Or at least Hagrid?”

“No. They weren’t camping and Dumbledore is ancient, daddy.”

“Your dad is pretty ancient.” Jaskier laughs, and Geralt almost thinks that this trip might turn out to be okay. Maybe he’ll even have a minute alone with Jaskier to finally explain everything. Stargazing is a nice, comforting view and it might serve in his benefit, too. 

And yet, by the time they walk towards check out, almost half an hour later, their cart full with snacks, baby carrots and cherry tomatoes, Jaskier barely said two words to him. Maybe it won’t be as easy after all. 

By the time they’re in the car, Jaskier is all tense and fidgety. Geralt vaguely wonders if it’s because that the last time they were together in this car they had, for the lack of better words, spectacular sex on the backseat or because of the situation in a whole. No. Not a good time to think about it. Geralt shakes his head, trying to get memories out of his thoughts. He should probably get a new car, as Lambert keeps suggesting. 

Things only get worse after that. As they park in a small clearing in the woods just outside of city, Ciri demands that they put up the tent and light up the fire immediately and, to exactly no one’s surprise, Jaskier is absolutely no help with any of those things, so he leaves two of them next to the car and goes to gather some tinder. 

He doesn’t go far, so he hears Jaskier playing and singing not five minutes later. It’s a nice sound. He missed it. 

As soon as he manages to light up small fire, secured by the rocks, he starts with the tent. It’s a bit of a hassle, but it’s ready in fifteen minutes which must be fine, considering he had never done it by himself before.

He takes pillows and comforters from his car and puts them in the tent and Ciri, already bouncing with excitement demands to come inside first. 

Jaskier stops playing and he and Geralt watch her crawl inside with smiles on their faces only to hear her burst in tears several seconds later. 

“What is it, Ciri?” Jaskier drops ukulele on the ground and bolts to the tent, but Geralt is already tugging his crying daughter out of it.

“What happened, cub?”

“It’s small!” She whimpers.

Jaskier looks at Geralt at that, completely shocked but Geralt can only shrug his shoulders in response.

“What are you talking about? It’s big enough for three.”

“No! In the movie it was big, with bunk beds! And-and a sofa!” 

“What?” 

“Oh my God, Geralt.” Jaskier hisses. “Did you not explain the magic to her?”

Geralt feels like a total idiot, to put it lightly. Ciri is still crying in his arms and Jaskier looks at him like he’s dumber than a newborn, which he probably is. 

He slowly shakes his head and Jaskier rolls his eyes at him. 

“Some Hermione, you are.” He mumbles. Then kneels before them on the hard, uncomfortable ground and takes Ciri’s hand in his own. “Hey, princess, listen to me. It will get bigger.”

“It will?” Ciri’s eyes search Jaskier’s face for any sign of fraud.

“Of course.” He continues. “Say, at what age kids go to Hogwarts?”

“Eleven, duh.”

“Right.” Jaskier smiles, bright. Geralt thinks that he might just save them from current tantrum with this smile. Or with his quick wit. “And are you eleven yet?”

“Not yet.” Jaskier nods. “So, it’s okay that not all the magic is visible to you, just _yet_ , right?”

“I guess.” Ciri pouts, but, thankfully, she’s not crying anymore. “But when I’m eleven...”

“It will all come to you, my dear, you just wait and see!”

Ciri nods at that, seemingly placated, and Geralt can breathe again. He thinks he’s probably never going to get used to her tantrums. 

“Can you light up the carlights, daddy? I don’t like the dark.” Ciri mumbles and right, he should’ve seen it coming. She always asks for light after she cries, ever since she was too tiny to even really talk about it. 

Jaskier looks at him questioningly at that, and Geralt hurries to explain. 

“She means the headlights.” He makes it to stand up but decides it’s better for Ciri to wait here. At least Jaskier will know what to say if she starts crying again. 

“I’ll do it right now, cub. Stay here with Jaskier for couple of minutes? I’ll need to turn the car around so the lights are in the right direction, okay?”

“Yeah.” She mumbles and crawls out of his arms, only to wrap her hands around Jaskier’s neck. He hugs her close and sits down right on the ground, to place Ciri more comfortably on his lap.

“Should we play something while we wait for the lights?” He asks in a soft, quiet voice. And it’s just too much, isn’t it? Too good. 

“Jaskier?” Geralt hates to break their small bubble but he has to say it before he bursts.

“Yeah?” 

“Tank you.” It’s not enough, of course, but it’ll do for now. After all, Geralt has never been good with words.

“Of course.” Jaskier smiles, this time right at him, his face softly illuminated by the fire. He’s so beautiful Geralt’s brain turns to mush. He hurries to his car before he can do something stupid.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This one is quite romantic but not in the way you’d want it to be, probably;) 
> 
> Big Talk in the next chapter! Get ready.
> 
> Love all the feedback, thank you so much❤️

As Geralt turns the car around and leaves the headlights on, making a mental note to himself to turn them off as soon as Ciri is calm, Jaskier stars playing something cheerful and easy. 

The night is dark enough already that even the light from the car won’t distract Ciri from the stars. 

“Look up, love.” He mutters, when he lowers himself in the ground. To his utter delight, both Ciri and Jaskier instantly look up to the sky. It makes his throat go dry and he searches for a water bottle.

“Are star shapes up there already?” Ciri inquires. 

“Constellations, yes. They’re right there.” 

“Will you tell me about them?”

Geralt points out a few constellations that he know the names of, and Ciri listens, intrigued. Jaskier listens, too, though he certainly knows more about them than Geralt himself. 

“Did you know that Sirius from Harry Potter is named after a star, too?” Jaskier says, when Geralt falls silent.

“No!” Ciri laughs. “Is he?”

“He is. A very bright one.”

“Is Ron, too?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Can we name that star after him?” Ciri points to the sky. It’s hard to guess which star she’s talking about but Geralt is pretty sure it’s one of the Ursa Major constellation and already has a name.

“Sure we can.” Jaskier answers easily and Geralt frowns. It’d probably be wiser to tell her the truth, but the chances are she’ll forget all about it soon anyway. 

“Are stars magical?” Is Ciri’s next question. 

“They are, princess.”

“Do they have feelings?”

This, unsurprisingly, makes Jaskier launch into some story. He’s probably making it up on a go, but Ciri is intrigued and soon enough Geralt, too, losses himself in a fairy tale. It’s about a prince, who’s been cursed to live in a small chamber on the very top of a very high tower, where the only thing he could do is read. It’s quite ridiculous, really.

“So one day, he found a book that was all about stars. One star, in particular. The brightest star of them all.” Jaskier continues, voice so melodic he almost sings.

“Sirius?” Ciri quips. “You said he was bright.”

“Very attentive, princess. Yes, Sirius.” Jaskier nods. “Prince read a book about star named Sirius and found out that many years ago evil witch fell in love with a boy who was smart a beautiful, but he didn’t love her back. She cursed a boy, turned him into a star, and made him live a very lonely life up in the night skies until another human falls in love with him.”

“But there’re many stars, why was he lonely?” Ciri interrupts him, and Geralt would ask her to listen to the story quietly but he quite enjoys her curious mind, if he’s honest. He also is curious himself if she’ll be able to find a hole in Jaskier’s story.

“Not all the stars used to be people, you know? They didn’t understand him, and he didn’t understand them.”

“Oh. That’s sad.”

“Yeah. That’s what our prince thought, too. He was very sad about Sirius being up there all alone so as soon as the sun went down and stars were up he went to the window and searched the sky in hopes to find Sirius.”

“Did he find him?”

“He did. He opened the window and talked to Sirius. He told him that he was alone, too. That he was also cursed and had no one to talk to. Sirius couldn’t reply to him, of course, but the prince knew he was listening.”

“How did he know?” Geralt asks, surprised with himself. He didn’t mean to interrupt Jaskier. Seems like he got too invested in the story without even realizing it. 

“Yes, how did he know?” Ciri presses, when Jaskier doesn’t answer, too busy staring at Geralt. 

“Sometimes heart just knows.” Jaskier answers, vaguely, and Geralt is honestly not sure who he’s talking to at the moment. 

“But how can someone fall in love with him if he can’t talk? And if he’s so far away? And a star? He doesn’t even have legs!” Ciri fires questions, but her eyes are bleary already and Jaskier seems to notice it, too. 

“That’s the story for another time, princess.” He concludes. Ciri attempts to start a fight, Geralt can see, but she yawns before she can say anything. Jaskier chuckles and holds her tighter in his arms. 

“Are we going to sleep in there?” Jaskier points to the tent and Geralt realizes he’s totally talking to him now. Damn, he really should stop being so distracted by the sight of Jaskier and Ciri together. 

“No. No, we should probably get going.” The situation with the tent was shit enough for the first time. He isn’t even going to unwrap their new sleeping bags. 

Jaskier nods at him and Geralt reluctantly gets up to pack the useless tent. However, when he opts to unlock the car with his remote nothing happens. He tries again and and again and - nothing. Fuck. He turns around to find Jaskier watching him with rises eyebrows, Ciri is peacefully asleep in his arms.

“I think...the battery might have died.” He admits, defeated. He can already feel panic creeping up on him.

“What?” Jaskier shrieks. When Ciri stirs in his arms he lowers his voice, but he looks just as furious. “It’s been what, half an hour? My phone battery is more powerful than that! Why do you still drive this piece of junk anyway?”

“Jaskier.”

“Don’t you _Jaskier_ me! What do we do now?”

“We call Lambert, probably.”

Juskier huffs at that and mumbles something about Hermione again. Geralt watches him for couple of seconds, thinking that it is just his fate that everything that could go wrong about this trip _did_. And then some. 

He fishes out his phone and dials Lambert.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? These idiots can talk! And they will. Right now, in this very chapter. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it! Please tell me if you do(or don’t).
> 
> (actually, don’t tell me if you hate it, I’m very sensitive)
> 
> I’m stacyholmes on tumblr if you want to come say hi;)
> 
> Love you all! ❤️

When Lambert arrives forty minutes later, Jaskier has already passed sleeping Ciri to Geralt, went for a short walk and ate half of the snacks they’ve brought. 

Meanwhile, Geralt’s been staring at him relentlessly. It makes Jaskier nervous, okay? He’s sure they’ve reached a point in their relationship where they can communicate almost like friends, if a little shakily. Still, it’s a good improvement, especially considering that they’ve never been friends to begin with. Jaskier knew he was in love the minute Geralt rescued him that night and isn’t it some damsel-in-distress shit? Well, Jaskier’s always been a romantic soul. The point is, they were never friends, they fell head first into the best relationship he’s ever had and they crashed harder than he ever thought they could. But now they’re tentatively becoming friends, and Jaskier can make his peace with it, if Geralt can just stop _looking_ at him like that. 

He can already see Lambert’s car in the distance when Geralt clears his throat. 

“What?” He snaps. 

“I’m sorry.”

Jaskier sights. 

“It’s okay. Just fix the damn car before you put your kid in it, okay?”

“I’m not talking about today.”

“Don’t start.” Jaskier groans. “We’ve been through it already.”

Lambert parks his much nicer car next to Geralt’s and Jaskier really wants to finish this conversation before he can overhear them. 

“That’s the thing, Jas. We haven’t. I don’t think you understand.” Geralt clearly not on board with him here. Does he like the audience now, or something? 

“I understand plenty.”

“You obviously don’t. How can you if you don’t let me explain?”

“You’ve always been shit with timing.” Jaskier retorts. Geralt growls, which is really not as intimidating when there’s a little girl asleep in his arms. 

“What’s going on, losers?” Lambert walks up to them. Thankfully it stops Geralt from saying whatever it was that he wanted to say. 

“I’ll go put Ciri in your car and then we can recharge mine.” He mumbles and walks away. 

“Are you two okay?” Lambert frowns at Jaskier.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t lie to me, pretty boy. Did he say something?”

“Nothing new. Tried to apologize for dumping me to marry Yennefer. Again.”

“What?”

“Oh, come on. You must know.”

“Did he..Jaskier, did he tell you that he broke up with you because he-“

“Fell in love with Yennefer, wanted to marry her, etcetera, etcetera. Please don’t make me repeat it all to you.” Saying this makes Jaskier’s insides feel queasy. He just wants to go home, really.

Lambert closes his eyes for a second and when he opens them again there’s no usually humor in his expression. He looks positively murderous.

“Okay, where’s the charger?” Geralt comes back with a sour expression and hunched shoulders, but when he notices the look on his brother’s face he frowns in confusion. “What’s wrong with you?”

It seems to set Lambert off, because, the next thing Jaskier knows, Lambert takes a step towards Geralt and punches him in the face. Hard. So hard, in fact, that Geralt looses his balance and falls backwards, mere inches away from the still lit fire. 

“ _Lambert!_ ” Jaskier cries and lowers himself on the ground, next to Geralt, in such a hast that his knees are surely gonna bruise, but he doesn’t even notice it. 

He lifts Geralt’s head from the ground, and he’s conscious, thank goodness, but his lower lip is bleeding hard and his eyes are bleary. 

“What the fuck?” Jaskier shoots an angry look at Lambert. 

“This idiot,” Lambert says slowly. “totally deserved it. And If he wasn’t my brother I wouldn’t be that kind on him.” 

“You call that _kind_? What’s gotten into you?” Jaskier hisses. He fishes a handkerchief out of his pocket and presses it to Geralt’s lip. 

“Are you okay?”

“Fine.” Geralt mumbles, his eyes on Lambert. Jaskier can’t help but feel like they’re having a silent conversation which is ridiculous. The whole situation is stupid, and ridiculous and infuriating. 

“You told the boy you left him to run off into the sunset with Yennefer. Be thankful I didn’t fucking kill you on the spot.”

“What?” Geralt’s voice is muffled by Jaskier’s hand. He looks down and realizes that his handkerchief is almost fully soaked with blood. It makes him lightheaded so he quickly looks away, but keeps the pressure steady. 

“Explain everything right now, or I will. And I won’t be nice on your account.” Lambert turns around and walks to his car, probably to check on Ciri. 

Jaskier takes a deep breath before looking at Geralt’s bloody face again. 

“Okay. What the hell was that?” His voice is trembling but he can’t do anything about it. 

“Do you think I left you because I fell in love with Yen?”

“Is it important right now? You’re bleeding!”

“It’s more important than a split lip, that’s for sure.” Geralt slowly sits up and takes handkerchief from Jaskier’s hand. “Do you really think that?”

“That’s what you said! What else am I supposed to think?”

“I never said that, Jaskier, fuck.”

“Yes, you did. That night, in the bar. You said that you were going to propose to her and that’s why you had to break up with me first.”

“Jaskier.” Geralt lets his had fall from his face and Jaskier’s eyes are drown to the wound again. 

“I’ll get some water, we need to clean that up. You’ll probably need stitches, shit.” His head is buzzing, and when he tries to get up Geralt stops him.

“Look at me, Jaskier.” Geralt says almost pledgingly and it’s enough to make Jaskier rise his eyes.

“Okay.” 

“Okay. Now listen. I wasn’t going to propose to Yennefer. I was going to propose to you.”

Jaskier’s mind shortcircuits. 

“What?”

“The night I-“ Geralt clears his throat. “The night I left you, I was going to propose to you, Jaskier.”

“No. No, don’t say that.” 

“But it’s the truth.” Geralt looks pained, but Jaskier doesn’t think he could hurt more then Jaskier does right now. 

“I was going to propose to you, but when I left the station they caught me. Told me they would kill you because I locked up their boss. I couldn’t take that risk.”

“I don’t understand.” Jaskier’s head is swimming. He can’t comprehend a word from what Geralt is saying. This can’t be right. “Who are they? What- I, what?”

“The criminal gang I was digging under. It was more than nine years ago, I think. I arrested their boss, but once he got out he wanted a revenge. He sent out his people. After you.” Geralt sighs heavily, but otherwise is completely motionless, his eyes fixed on Jaskier’s face.

“Stop talking for a minute, I think I’m hyperventilating.” And he’s not lying, too. It feels like he’s going to pass out. 

“Sorry.” Geralt scrambles to his feet and walks away, returns a minute later with a bottle of water, already opened. “Drink this.”

Jaskier obediently takes couple of big gulps but it makes little to nothing to calm him down. 

“Better?”

“Not really.”

“I’m sorry. We can talk later.” Geralt sits in front of him, his expression worried and guilty. Jaskier can’t make sense of it. 

“I’m not sure it’ll help.”

“Sorry.” 

“Stop apologizing, for fuck’s sake!” Jaskier cries, voice high and pinched. 

“I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“Well, you did!” Jaksier takes a deep breath and wills his heart go at least a little bit slower.

“I just want you to know the truth.”

“Okay.” Jaskier mumbles. “Okay. So, fucking mafia made you break up with me, which is a shit ton of bull crap, if you ask me, but what about Ciri? And Yennefer?”

“It’s where it gets complicated.”

“Because everything that came before was so fucking easy!” Jaskier feels hysterical. 

“Yennefer was a witness in that case. That’s how we met. She needed a protection, for her and her daughter. I was never in love with her. She just run away one day and asked me to look after Ciri for couple of weeks. She never came back.”

“Wait. Ciri is not yours?” Okay, what the hell?

“She’s mine.” Geralt’s eyes are determined now, protectiveness over his daughter clear on his face. “Legally and in all the other ways except for biological. She’s mine.”

“I am so lost.”

“It’s okay.” Geralt assures him, but he is wrong, isn’t he? Nothing is okay. 

“You just took the last five years of my life and turned them inside out. Don’t tell me it’s okay.” Hot tears start prickling at his eyes. 

“You’re right, it’s not okay. But I need you to know that I never loved her. Never loved anyone like I loved you. Like I love you, lark.”

And it’s just too much. Jaskier can feel the first sob ripped out of his chest. His vision is suddenly blurred, but he makes himself stand up. And then he runs, runs as fast as he can, without really seeing where he’s going. He hears Geralt call after him, but he doesn’t stop until he’s completely out of breath with both crying and running. His lungs are burning and he sits down roughly, his back against a tree. 

He prays to all the gods Geralt doesn’t follow him. He can’t look at him right now without crying and he really doesn’t want Geralt to see him cry.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating it!❤️
> 
> We’re slowly but surely getting through the angst. Fluff is soon to come!

It’s a long time until Jaskier calms down. The night is dark and without fire Jaskier can barely see a thing around himself. 

He more feels than hears Geralt moving somewhere behind. He patiently waits for him to come out, but when it doesn’t happen Jaskier huffs in annoyance. 

“Stop hovering back there, it’s creepy.”

“Sorry.”

“Didn’t I ask you to stop saying that?”

Geralt comes closer and sits next to Jaskier. He can’t really see his face, which is probably a good thing. 

“That’s not how I planned this conversation to go.” Geralt admits, his voice rough. Jaskier hates the instant urge to comfort him. 

“I don’t see how it could go any better.”

“Still, you didn’t deserve it.”

“No, I didn’t.” Jaskier agrees. And since he can’t handle not knowing details, adds exasperated: “I don’t understand, though. Why break up with me? Sure, they threatened you, but surely you could’ve done something else? Put cops in front of our door, or something?”

He’s been thinking about it for last hour or so, and it just doesn’t seem right. There were always downsides in Geralt’s line of work, he was in danger more than once, but the way that Geralt went about it was just way too...extreme. 

“You don’t know these men, Jaskier. No cops would’ve stop them from getting to you. I swear, I was planning to come back to you and explain everything as soon as I arrested them all. As soon as I’d be sure you were safe.” 

“But then the whole Ciri thing happened.” Jaskier sighs. He thinks he’d cry again if there were any tears left in him. 

“Yeah.” 

They’re silent for a long time before Geralt speaks again. 

“I didn’t want her, at first.” He says, and Jaskier’s heart aches to hear that. He can still feel the weight of sleeping child in his arms, and it feels awfully wrong for someone to want to leave her behind. Suddenly, he hates Yennefer with his whole heart. 

“I almost signed adoption papers. But then she called me _Dad_ for the first time and I just... I couldn’t.” Geralt’s sounds broken, lost, and for the first time Jaskier thinks, _really thinks_ , about it and realizes that it might’ve been just as hard for him as it was for Jaskier. 

“Of course you couldn’t. You did the right thing.”

“It didn’t feel like it, at the time. It felt like giving up on you. On us.”

“Well. You had to pick what was more important at the moment.” 

“You have to know that in my shitstorm of a life you were the most important thing. But I couldn’t stop thinking about her in foster care, and I know what it’s like in there. I couldn’t let it happen to her.”

It’s not often that Geralt talks about his childhood. It took him almost a year to share this fact about his life with Jaskier when they first started dating.   
Right now, Geralt is being so open with Jaskier it would be easy to take advantage of it and demand answer to any question he still has, but his head hurts and it would probably be too much for him to comprehend. 

So Jaskier stays silent. Geralt doesn’t talk either. It feels surreal, like a bad dream. Jaskier wonders if it’s their last day together, last real conversation. He knows that Geralt said he loves him, still. Fuck, he’d be able to forget these words only if someone chopped his head off his shoulders. But it doesn’t mean Jaskier himself is ready to continue...whatever is the thing they have. Not even mentioning going for something more. Just a though of it intensifies his headache. 

He doesn’t know how much time passes as they sit silently next to each other, when Lambert comes into the view, carrying Ciri. 

“Sorry to distract but little one woke up and demanded to see her dad.” He says, voice quiet and apologetic, all of the previous rage gone. 

Geralt scrambles to his feet and takes Ciri from Lambert. Just like that, the nightmare is over and he’s back in the cold forest, with heart too heavy to bare and completely overwhelmed. 

“Where’d you go?” Ciri mumbles. “It took us ages to find you.”

“Sorry, cub. We went for a walk.” 

“Jaskier?”

“Yeah, he’s here.”

“Will he tell me the rest of the story?”

“Maybe later, okay?”

They talk in quiet voices but Jaskier listens eagerly, something about the way Ciri asks after him warms his heart. Fuck, he’s so confused. 

“Hey, pretty boy.” Lambert crouches in front of him gingerly, like he’s a wounded animal. “Sorry about the scene. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Well, considering you were protecting my feelings in a way, I think you’re okay.”

At that, Lambert relaxes visibly and takes Jaskier by the arm to help him stand up. 

“Thanks. God, my legs are all numb.”

“You alright, beside that?” 

Jaskier glances at Geralt, still taking softly to Ciri. 

“I think I will be.”

“Good. Don’t let him make you disappear again, will you?”

Lambert sounds worried and Jaskier is once again faced with a fact that he’s not the only one affected by this. Lambert and Eskel used to be his friends, his family. The separation must’ve been hard on them, too. 

“I won’t. Not from you or Eskel, that’s for sure.”

“Okay. Okay. You want to go home now?”

“Yes, please.”

By the time they reach the cars Jaskier is so tired he thinks he might fall asleep standing up. While Geralt settles Ciri in his car Jaskier quickly gathers his things from the ground lit up by Lambert’s, way more reliable, headlights. 

“Can I ride with you?” He asks, not really feeling like being in Geralt’s car right now. 

“Of course. Hop in, I’ll talk to Geralt for a sec.”

“Thanks. Just. Don’t hit him again, okay?”

“Can’t promise.” Lambert winks at him, and it’s all good, Jaskier thinks. No more fights tonight.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter leads us to more talking, this time in a cozier setting with much less tears. Isn’t it nice? 
> 
> Anyway, Happy New Year! Love you! ❤️

Jaskier is tempted to skip his shift the next day. It’s not like he _has_ to go, he’s the owner. And it’s not like they won’t make it through shift without him, both Triss and Renfri are surprisingly efficient, so he ponders the thought as he lies in his bed. He didn’t really sleep last night, and he feels fuzzy and confused still, but if he spends the day alone it will probably make things worse. 

Triss smiles at him when he nears bar stand but her smile falls when she sees his face. 

“Are you alright, love?” 

“You could say that.”

“It’s pretty slow here today. Want to talk about it?” She offers, reading his mood perfectly. 

“Yeah. But let’s wait for Renfri. Don’t want to repeat everything twice.”

By the time Renfri finishes with the table she’s been waiting Jaskier is on his second cup of coffee. 

“You look awful.” She says. “What’s up?”

So Jaskier lowers his cup and starts talking. It takes longer than he’d like, what with all the questions and angry huffs from both of his friends but he feels much better when he’s finished. 

“Dump him.” Renfri says, no hint of doubt in her voice. 

“I’m not _dating_ him, Renfri.”

“Well, still.”

“I think Renfri is wrong, as usual, and you actually should forgive him.” Triss offers. 

“You two are like these tiny angel and devil on my shoulders.” Jaskier groans and drops his head on the counter.

“I’m totally an angel.” Renfri laughs, which sounds _very_ devilish if you ask Jaskier. 

But maybe she really is the angel and Jaskier should stop seeing Geralt. It would also prevent him from seeing Ciri, though, and it’s not something Jaskier wants. He tells Renfri that much and is met with another huff, not as angry though. 

“You’re attached to this girl,” Triss threads her fingers through Jaskier’s hair, so very gently. “And to Geralt, too. Even if you don’t like it.”

“Must you always be right?” Jaskier grumbles. 

“Afraid so.” Triss chuckles. 

This night, when Jaskier comes up to the stage, he starts with Should I Stay or Should I Go by The Clash, and it sets the tune for his whole set. 

***

“You should talk to him.”

“I’m starting to think it’s the only advice you’ve got, Eskel.”

“It’s the only advice I’ve got for _you_.” Eskel points out and well, he might be right. Geralt isn’t the best with talking, though. 

“Last time we talked he cried.”

“And hit you in the face?” Eskel points to his swollen lip with his eyebrows raised. 

“No, that was actually Lambert.”

“Oh. Good.”

Geralt glares at him. 

“But seriously, talk to him. If you don’t want to lose him again, you need to help him get through the mess you’ve caused.”

Geralt, again, doesn’t answer. Instead, he helps Eric beat the level of the video game he’s been stuck on and busies himself with lunch. 

It’s only when he and Ciri get home that night, does he actually think of what Eskel said. Maybe he should talk to Jaskier again. A little bit later. When he’s calmed down. 

***

Two days pass without any signs of Geralt whatsoever and Jaskier starts to think that maybe, despite what he said that night, Geralt is done with him. He told the truth, apologized, and now is over with it. 

That might sound logical in some twisted way. 

Then Geralt calls. Jaskier stares at his phone until the call goes to voicemail. 

Not a minute passes and he gets a text. 

_Eskel says we need to talk._

Huh.

_Eskel is very wise._ Jaskier answers.

_Don’t tell him that._

It actually makes Jaskier smile a bit. He’s still mad, but he kept thinking about what Geralt told him and he understands him a little bit better now. He would never support Geralt’s choice but what’s done is done. No point in dwelling on what you can’t change. If they can talk it out and stay in touch, no matter how weird it’d be – to be just friends with the man – it’s worth a try. 

While Jaskier is lost in thought Geralt texts again. 

_Can I come to the bar tonight?_


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I’m back with a chapter that consists entirely of conversation. Really hope you’ll like it 🖤
> 
> Thank you million times for your feedback, you’re the best!

Geralt comes to the bar. And yes, okay, Jaskier is usually very easy going, talkative person, but now? He’s as tense as a string about to snap. 

_The hardest part is over_ , he tells himself. They fought and talked and cried – well, Jaskier cried. Now it can only get better. Right?

Probably no, knowing Jaskier.

They sit at the corner table, where it’s a bit quieter and Geralt is silent and barely moves which is a clear indication that he is nervous, too. Surprisingly, it makes Jaskier feel a bit lighter. 

“So, what did you want to talk about?” He asks, knowing that if he leaves it to Geralt to start a conversation they’ll be sitting in silence for a long time. 

“I wanted to apologize. Again.” Geralt starts. “And don’t tell me no to. No matter how many times I apologize it won’t be enough.”

Well, it’s kind of true. Jaskier nods, waiting for Geralt to continue. 

“I don’t expect you to forgive me so soon, but I wish-“ Geralt clears his throat. “I hope you can find it in yourself to let me earn your forgiveness.”

“God, Geralt, must you talk like you’re in some Jane Austin novel?”

“Hmm.”

“I changed my mind. Speak as if you’re Darcy, I’m not in a mood to decipher your grunts.” Jaskier waves his hand at Geralt, imploring him to actually talk, since that’s the reason why he’s here right now.

“Alright.” Geralt actually smiles at that, small as it is, but Jaskier notices it. Of course he does. 

“Alright.” Jaskier repeats, slowly. “I can’t say you’re forgiven, but I can say that we can still... see each other and stuff. I promised to the boys I wouldn’t disappear and it probably means that we’ll run into each other more than once in foreseeable future. And I won’t yell at you or ignore you. That I can promise, yeah.”

Jaskier watches Geralt carefully as he gives his little speech, just to make sure that Geralt understands him and that they’re on the same page. By the way Geralt frowns and looks away Jaskier gathers that’s they aren’t. He feels lost, frankly speaking. 

“Considering everything that we’ve been through, everything _I put you_ through, I don’t want to lie to you anymore, Jaskier.” Geralt leans closer and Jaskier’s breath catches. His heart starts rabbiting in his chest and fuck, he shouldn’t be that nervous to hear what Geralt has to say, even if it’s another rejection. 

“Okay.” Jaskier swallows, nods. “Then speak your truth.”

“When I told you that I still love you, that night, it was unintentional. I didn’t want to put that burden on you. Did mean to make you think that I expect something – anything – from you. I don’t. But unintentional as it was, it’s still the truth. My feelings haven’t changed and seeing you with Ciri, with my family, made me realize just how stupid I was. I panicked and I did something so utterly idiotic, but I made it out of love, too. Such love doesn’t go away, it doesn’t fade or gets forgotten over the time. I don’t ask you to be with me again, but I can’t lie to you again and tell you that running into you at family gatherings several times a year is what I wish for.”

Jaskier is silent for a long time after that. He was scared Geralt would bring up this topic again, but hearing it now is easier than it was in the woods several nights ago. It doesn’t sound surreal, this time. It sounds familiar. Jaskier wishes he had something good to say to Geralt, something hopeful. But he doesn’t. 

“Life was cruel on us, and I’d lie if I said that I don’t wish we could pick up where we left off, but, please understand me, Geralt. I only have one heart and as foolish as it may be, i can’t let it get broken the second time. It took too long for me to mend it the first time and I’m still not sure if I succeeded.” His words sound bitter and sad and Jaskier really wishes he could mask his feelings sometimes, but he’s a poet, he’s bound to wear his heart on his sleeve. 

“Maybe some day, when you can trust me again?” Geralt asks, his voice so small and vulnerable it makes Jaskier feel sick with something akin to a guilt. 

“I don’t know if I could. You still have your job. You don’t know what can happen and if something does happen, your priority is Ciri, rightly so. I can’t risk getting pushed aside.” 

It’s just how it is. Jaskier has to take care of himself first, these days. He knows he’s doing the right thing. Why does it feel so wrong, then? 

“I’ll take whatever you can give me.” Geralt says. “Thank you. For the chance to explain.”

Geralt stands up and hesitates for only a second before turning around to leave. Jaskier wouldn’t even notice it if he didn’t know him so well. 

He has the urge to call Geralt’s name, make him turn around and come back to the table, but he doesn’t know what he’d say. What else is there to be said, after all?


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back with some fluff for you!❤️

The next time Jaskier sees Geralt is on the Eric’s birthday party. It’s a loud affair, theme of which is, unsurprisingly, planes. Eric is dressed as a pilot, and his wheelchair has been accustomed with paper wings. Three girls keep running after him in adorable stewardess costumes, insisting that running is the closest thing to flying and refusing to stop for even a second. 

Jaskier, once again, is helping Quinn in the kitchen, while others lounge in the backyard. He hasn’t talked to Geralt yet, except for quick and quite awkward greetings they’ve exchanged. Since their last conversation Jaskier’s mood regarding Geralt’s words went from “we only have one short life, I totally should get back with him, fuck it” to “I respect myself way too much to run after that bastard after everything he’s done” and backwards more than once, and he still hasn’t decided what the he should do. “Just wing it”, Renfri advised, so he’s doing just that. Winging it. 

Ciri comes flying in the kitchen, making what she thinks is airplane noises, and asks if they want any refreshments, despite having none on her hands. 

“I think we’re good for now, princess.” Jaskier laughs. 

“I’m not a princess today!” She announces, running in circles around the room. 

“Of course, sorry.” Jaskier amends, as Quinn laughs quietly. “No refreshments for us, Miss Stewardess.”

“Okay! Buckle up, prisoners!” She shrieks, running out of the house. 

“Did she mean “passengers”?” Jaskier laughs. 

“Maybe not.” Comes the voice from the doorway. “Maybe we’ll have a hostage situation party for her next birthday.”

Geralt smiles softly at him, but his posture is stiff and Jaskier knows he’s nervous. He looks away from Geralt and concentrates on chopping sausages for pizza. 

“Are you going to be a cop in that scenario and ruin all the fun?” 

“Are you going to be that one crazy hostage who provokes criminals and causes chaos?” Geralt fires back, and Jaskier’s mouth twitches a bit, but he suppresses laughter. 

“Obviously.” He answers solemnly instead. “Between us two I’m the fun one.”

“That you are.” Geralt mumbles. _Lark_ goes unsaid, but Jaskier still hears it. 

It’s just unfair, how it gets into his head and makes his mind go blurry for a second. A second is enough, though, for his hand to slip and for the knife to cut into his finger instead of the sausage. 

“Fuck!”

“What is it?” Quinn turns to him sharply. 

“Nothing, just... being my clumsy self.” He mumbles, lifting his injured hand. 

Geralt is by his side within a second. He takes Jaskier’s hand in his and examines it quickly before lifting it above Jaskier’s head with a firm grip on his wrist. 

It’s probably just about time to stop getting hurt in front of Geralt, Jaskier thinks to himself, but isn’t it nice to be taken care of, if in a twisted, painful way? Jaskier is weak. Weak and stupid and he should probably get himself free of Geralt’s grip, before he blushes or something. When he tries to do just that, though, Geralt frowns at him and holds on his wrist tightly. 

“Stand still.” He instructs. “Quinn, can you get a first aid kit? It’s in the-“

“I know where it is.” She interrupts him, already leaving the kitchen. “And you’re not allowed to help in the kitchen anymore, Jaskier.”

“Great, I’ve been rendered useless.” 

“It was a long time coming. You’re awful with sharp objects.”

“I’m not!” Jaskier gasps. Droplet of blood lands on his nose. “Okay, maybe I am a little bit. Don’t tell anyone.”

Geralt looks pointedly on his bloodied hand and then back at him, his eyebrows slightly raised. 

“Oh, fine.” Jaskier huffs. “I’ll just take a sandbox duty.”

“Do you think you’ll manage not to get any sand in your eyes?” Geralt asks in a tone so serious, Jaskier wouldn’t know he’s teasing if he didn’t know him so well. 

Before he can protest, Lambert steps into the room with bandages already unwrapped and ointment ready to be applied. 

“Do you have something against beauty, pretty boy? Is that why you always try to injure yourself?” 

“Maybe I just want to keep you on your toes?” He smiles easily, pretending not to notice Geralt’s sulk. 

“That you do.” Lambert takes his hand from Geralt and leads him to the sink. Jaskier could’ve wash off the blood himself, but he knows better than to argue with Lambert, so he lets him do all the work and instead moans and whines theatrically to annoy him. 

“What if I can never play again?” Jaskier sighs. “How will you, peasants, survive without my beautiful music?”

“I’m sure we’ll suffer greatly.” Lambert agrees. “Geralt, here, is already on the verge of tears.”

It makes Jaskier laugh and Geralt kick Lambert in the sheen. 

Once Jaskier is all cleaned up and his cut deemed shallow enough not to need stitches, Lambert puts bandages on his finger and lets him go with a warning to watch his step and not eat any unknown berries from bushes in the garden no matter how pretty they are. Jaskier rolls his eyes but once in the garden, his gaze travels in search of said bushes and when he finds none he shakes his head. He was pretty positive Lambert was lying but you can never be too sure with this man. He would put it past him to plant poisonous berries himself just to laugh at Jaskier. 

“Your hand!” Hera yells as Jaskier joins kids in the sandbox. “Hurt?”

“I’m afraid I’ve been in a very severe plane crush.” Jaskier nods. Girls gasp loudly and Eric giggles from where he’s making what looks like sand airport, and Jaskier’s absently rubs his wrist as he starts on his improvised, but still heroic, plane crush story.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! 
> 
> I love you all with all my heart, thank you so much for helping me get through this fic💜 you guys are my inspiration 💜

The rest of the birthday party goes as uneventful as a small boy’s party can. They eat and they chat and adults keep asking kids not to run so fast only to calm them down once they – inevitably – fall down. 

He and Geralt don’t talk again but Geralt looks at him with such determination it’s a little bit scary, even to Jaskier, and Jaskier is not a coward, no sir. But the look in Geralt’s eye is the one of a warrior, it resembles the highest mountains and deepest oceans and- Jaskier is ought to stop thinking so much, if he wants to stay sane. 

“Jas!” Ciri yells, running up to him and climbing his lap. “Eric is gonna open the presents now! You want to come watch?”

“Ooh,” Lambert drawls. “You must be honored, Sunshine. They don’t usually let adults watch.”

“Opening presents is a very sacred tradition in this house.” Vesemir adds, ever so serious. 

“It’s for kids!” Ciri nods her head solemnly. “But you are not that grown up, are you? You’re cool.”

“Cool enough to play secret hide and seek?” Eskel gasps, which makes Ciri giggle. Jaskier, on instinct, looks questioningly at Geralt. 

“Hide and seek is only for kids, too.” Geralt confirms. “We’re not even allowed to give hints.”

“Because that would be cheating, Dad!” 

“Once i nodded in the direction of where Ciri was hiding and Anna started crying. It was not pretty.” Quinn says, quite dramatically. Jaskier loves it. 

“You can play hide and seek if Eric allows you. He’s the captain.” Ciri says, as she tugs Jaskier to the sandbox where all the presents are already lined up. 

“I’m very honored to be included.” Jaskier says as he settles down. Words come out too hearty, too raw, even, because it’s not just about presents, is it? It’s about a family. 

Luckily, kids are not prone on noticing such things, so they just nod their acceptance and start to tear off the wrapping paper. To Jaskier’s surprise, sacred ceremony includes thanking gift givers, even though they can’t hear it. It warms Jaskier’s heart. 

“Okay,” Eric says, looking over the presents with a very concentrated expression. “The next part is the main part, and you must swear to keep it secret.”

“I swear.” Jaskier answers quickly. It’s all very exciting, if he’s honest. He feels sorry for all the others for missing it. 

“Good.” Eric nods. “Let the ritual begin.”

If Jaskier was surprised before, what happens next leaves him speechless. And a little teary-eyed. Eric closes his eyes and girls start shuffling through the presents, finally choosing one for each and declaring that they’re ready. Once Eric opens his eyes, he looks happy and satisfied. Girls grin at him. 

“Thank you for sharing my birthday with me.” He says. 

“You share your gifts?” Jaskier asks, bewildered. He knew these kids were sweet, yes, but who actually likes giving away their brand-new toys?

“Yeah, we all do. But you mustn’t tell.” Eric looks at him, waiting for confirmation. Jaskier nods, not able to find any words. “Sharing is caring, and also, sharing is fun.”

Jaskier laughs at that, and leans forward impulsively to hug all four kids, squashing them together in his arms. 

“You brilliant, crazy kids. Please never change.”

***

Jaskier ends up driving home with Geralt that night, and he’s pretty sure it’s only because Lambert was forced to give twins a bath after they dumped the whole pot of chili sauce on themselves. 

“Is Ciri asleep?” Jaskier asks, turning around in his seat. 

“Yeah,” Geralt answers, darting a quick glance in the rearview mirror. “She falls asleep easily in a car.” 

Silence stretches between them, but Jaskier was never able to let the silence between them hang for too long. Besides, there’s a question that keeps nagging him. 

“Okay, so, did you know that they share their birthday presents?” Jaskier blurts. 

“I did.” Geralt answers, his eyes soft. “They try to hide it, but when Ciri takes home giant teddy bear it’s pretty noticeable.” 

Jaskier laughs, quietly. Geralt is right, of course. This part must be obvious, but it’s not all.

“Right, okay. But did you know that they thank every gif giver while opening the presents? They know you guys can’t hear them, but they still do. How brilliant is that?”

“They do?” Geralt asks, almost in a whisper. His gaze is still soft, but it is also proud and Jaskier wouldn’t be able to look away even if their shitty car hit the wall right now. 

“Yeah. I almost cried, to be honest.”

“Hmm. Not surprised.” Geralt grunts. “You cry at commercials.”

“How dare you!” Jaskier gasps. “It was a puppy commercial! And the kids were ten times more sweet!”

Geralt doesn’t answer, but Jaskier doesn’t miss the look of utter adoration on his face. It’ll never not melt his heart, the way Geralt loves his daughter. 

They drive in comfortable silence for some time, the one Jaskier doesn’t want to break, so he fumbles with the radio instead, because his hands won’t stay still. He still knows all the quirks of this junk Geralt calls his car. It’s bittersweet. More bitter than sweet, of course, but eh. Jaskier isn’t about to dig that deed at the moment. 

“Thanks for a ride.” Jaskier says, as they stop in front of his house. “I probably should start using my own car, anyway, so...”

“I like driving with you.” 

“Yeah well, I always pick the best station. Plus, I snitch on your kid.”

Geralt shakes his head and turns in his seat to look at Jaskier. His expression is unreadable, even to Jaskier, and for a second he dreads that Geralt is going to start apologizing again. Turns out, it’s not the thing he should’ve been panicking about. 

“I love you, Jaskier.” Geralt says. “Good night.”

Jaskier leaves the car feeling dazed. 

Good night, Geralt said. As if Jaskier could have a good, peaceful night after those words. They’re not news to him, of course, he’s heard those already and had his fair share of panic, too. His restless mind doesn’t seem to get the memo, though. He tosses and turns and when he finally falls asleep, he dreams of soft eyes and gentle words he doesn’t want to believe just yet.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of fluff for you all❤️

Geralt isn’t acting like himself. He knows that. But he’s also feeling as far from being himself as possible so it’s probably fine. Or not. 

Since their first meeting Jaskier’s been confusing and strange and painfully wonderful, so it’s not surprising that five years later he still makes Geralt feel all weird inside. Hence, Geralt makes his peace with love confessions that seem to escape his mouth whether he wants them or not. He doesn’t even care that Jaskier isn’t returning any – he doesn’t want him to, to be completely honest. He wants Jaskier to be sure, to be absolutely certain that he trusts him, before he says anything of a kind. And if he never can do that, well, there’s no one to blame but Geralt. 

Now that Jaskier is back in his life he is happy to have him as a tentative friend, he doesn’t expect more. Still, he wants, _needs_ , Jaskier to know that he’s loved. 

_Ciri asked about that star story of yours again._

He texts Jaskier as he prepares dinner, knowing that Jaskier is probably busy at the bar, so he doesn’t wait for an answer.  
He finishes with lasagna and tells Ciri to go wash her hands.  
His phone buzzes as he loads their plates. 

_She can come visit anytime she wants._

“Is it Jas? Did you ask about the story?” Ciri leans across the table to look at his phone. She reads well for five-year-old, but the phone lays sideway to her and she frowns at it when screen goes dark before she can read even the name of the sender. 

“It is and I did.” Geralt answers. “Now eat you dinner, please.”

Geralt texts back when he finishes washing the dishes. 

_Isn’t the bar too loud for stories?_

_Probably. How does she feel about sleepovers?_

Geralt stops in his track and stares at his phone. A sleepover? He never parts with Ciri for too long, but she loves occasional sleepover parties at Vesemir’s or Eskel’s.  
Still, she barely knows Jaskier, and what if she can’t sleep at his place? It’s Jaskier, though, and Geralt does trust him. 

_I’ll ask her. But are you sure?_

The reply comes immediately. 

_Of course I am. We get on well, it’ll be fun._

When Geralt puts Ciri to sleep she asks about Jaskier again and he takes a deep breath before telling her about Jaskier’s suggestion. Her eyes light up immediately and Geralt instantly regrets not waiting till the morning to have that conversation. 

“Yes, please! Daddy can I go tomorrow? Wait no, can I go right now? Pretty please?” 

“Breath, please.” Geralt chuckles. “It’s too late to go tonight and I’ll have to talk to Jaskier to see when he has free time.”

“He’s probably free tomorrow.” Ciri assures him. Geralt rolls his eyes. 

“I’ll ask. Are you not afraid to spend the whole night there alone, though?”

“Jas will be there, daddy.” Ciri looks at him as if he’s lost all his marbles. Maybe she’s right. 

“Yeah, but I won’t.”

“I promise to miss you a little bit.” Ciri answers, and now it looks at if she’s pitying him. Great. 

“Okay. We’ll talk about it tomorrow again.”

“Okay. But I’ll still want to go tomorrow.”

“I know.”

When Ciri is finally asleep Geralt returns to his phone and texts Jaskier again. 

_Ciri is ecstatic about the sleepover. Barely stopped her from running to your place in her pajamas._

_Maybe you should’ve waited till the morning to ask her, then._

_Yes, thanks for the parenting lesson._

_Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re a great parent, not your fault she likes me more._

They chat back and forth for several more minutes, deciding on the day and time. The last text from Jaskier is a simple good night, but it warms Geralt’s heart nevertheless. 

_I love you._ He texts, once he’s in the bed and places his phone on the bedside table without waiting for the reply.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> If you want to refresh your memory on the star story you can reread chapter 19! 
> 
> Thank you for your support ❤️

“Oh, here you are, princess!” Jaskier cries. “I thought I’d have to bake all the cookies by myself!”

Ciri runs straight into his arms, laughing delightedly. Jaskier hugs her, but his eyes immediately shoot up to look at Geralt. Old habit, probably. 

“She couldn’t decide what to wear.” Geralt smiles softly. It’s still new, to see Geralt smiling so freely at someone who isn’t him, but surprisingly Jaskier doesn’t feel even the slightest pang of jealousy, only warmth. 

“Well, it is a very important even. I must confess I spent some time choosing an outfit myself.” It’s a lie, of course. He’s just finished cleaning his place and is wearing his old joggers and a ratty t-shirt. 

“You look great.” Geralt supplies, his face only slightly pained. It makes Jaskier laugh. 

“Why thank you.” He stands up, taking Ciri’s hand in his. “I promise we’ll be extremely careful in the kitchen and go to bed by midnight.”

Geralt raises his eyebrow. 

“Okay, by 10pm.” Jaskier rolls his eyes. “But we’re going to be very grumpy about it, right Ciri?”

“Very grumpy.” Ciri agrees. 

“Call me if she needs anything or...” Geralt trails off. 

“I’ll be fine, daddy.” 

“Yeah, we’ll be fine.” Jaskier nods. “Go enjoy your free night.”

Geralt doesn’t say anything but passes Ciri’s backpack to Jaskier and takes a step back. 

“Don’t worry. I’m good with kids.” Jaskier smiles softly. It’s a heartwarming sight to see Geralt this nervous about his daughter. 

Geralt nods but doesn’t move as they make their way to the front door. Jaskier is exited to have Ciri overnight, been waiting for it for the past week, but something keeps nagging him and he can’t understand what it is until the door shuts behind them and they’re alone. 

It’s Geralt, of course. He didn’t say those words, this time. Didn’t say he loves him. Jaskier didn’t realize he’s been waiting for it, not until he didn’t get to hear it. How stupid is he? 

Ciri darts into his living room, chatting happily about their sleepover, but Jaskier just stays there, by the door, completely lost. 

Then there’s knock at the door and Jaskier flings it opens without thinking.  
Geralt stands on his doorstep, looking at him like he’s the last person he expected to see. 

“Forgot something?” Jaskier asks dumbly. 

“Yeah.” Geralt answers. “I love you, Jaskier.” 

His shoulders sag, posture becomes more relaxed and Jaskier, himself, feels like he’s going to melt on the spot. 

“Good bye.” Geralt nods. “Call me it you need anything.”

After that, everything goes swimmingly. He and Ciri bake chocolate chip cookies and witch Charie and the chocolate factory, and he feels so wonderfully complete with this little ball of energy he’s almost mad again that he was robbed of all these years with her. He pushes these thoughts away and snaps a picture of Ciri covered in chocolate to send to Geralt. 

_Don’t worry, she also had veggies for dinner._ He texts. 

_Glad you’re having fun. Bedtime by 10._ Geralt replies. 

“Did you know your daddy is a hude bore?” Jaskier asks Ciri. She giggles but doesn’t tear her eyes off the screen. 

By the time movie ends Ciri keep yawning and Jaskier takes her to bathroom to get rid of all the chocolate and brush her teeth. 

“Will you tell me the story? About stars?” Ciri murmurs as he tucks her in his bed. 

“Of course, princess. Do you remember where we stopped?”

“Yeah. There was a prince all alone and there was star named Sirius in the skies. He couldn’t come down because no one loved him and no one could love him because he didn’t have legs.” 

“You have a very good memory.” Jaskier smiles down at the girl and tucks loose curl behind her ear. 

“Yeah. I remember all the letters. And all the numbers.” She smiles. “Now the story, please.”

“Of course.” Jaskier chuckles. “So, the prince kept opening his window every night to talk to Sirius. He told him all about his life, about how scary it sometimes is to be alone, and every time he shared a part of himself with the star it shone just a little bit brighter. The nights weren’t so lonely anymore for our prince, in fact, he waited for sun to go every evening, just to see his Sirius.”

“Did Sirius know that prince talked to him?” Ciri asks. 

“He did. At first it was hard for him to hear what prince was saying, as they were so far away from each other. But with every night the voice of our prince became louder and louder even though he never spoke above whispers. But Sirius knew he was down there.”

“Because sometimes heart just knows?” Ciri looks at him with her big, trusting eyes and Jaskier bends over her to place a soft kiss to her brow. 

“That’s right, love. And his heart knew that it was time to come down again. That someone on the earth was waiting for him. So, one night, when prince stood by the window, ready to talk to Sirius again, he didn’t find him up there. He looked and looked, but his favorite star was just gone.”

“Is it because Sirius was coming down?”

“Yeah. But prince didn’t know that yet. And the journey from the sky is not a simple one. Prince was so sad, he was all alone again, and he started crying. But as soon as the the first tear hit the ground, it suddenly disappeared and there was Sirius, right in front of our prince. As beautiful as ever, only a little bit tired. But he smiled at the prince and said that his love saved him from lifetime of misery.”

“Did they kiss?”

“They did. And it was beautiful and bind their souls together and broke the curse. From that moment, our prince was free to leave his tower and he and Sirius went to the big, exciting journey together and never parted again.”

Ciri sighs happily, her eyes sleepy, face relaxed. 

“It’s a good story.” She says. 

“It is.”

“Can you tell it again sometime? We can have sleepover at my place.”

“Or you can come here again.” Jaskier suggests. He doesn’t want to give her hope only to disappoint her later. After all, it’s not likely for him to stay at Geralt’s house. 

“Okay.” Ciri agrees easily. “I think my heart knows something, too.”

“What is it, love?”

“It knows that daddy is lonely.”

“Oh!” Jaskier startles. It was all going so well, he didn’t expect Ciri to get upset about missing her father. “We can call him if you want?”

“No, I mean,” She scrunches her nose adorably. “Like, lonely lonely. Maybe he need his star, too.”

“He’ll find one.” Jaskier assures her, happy to avoid pre-sleep tantrum, but uneasy with realization that Ciri thinks her dad is unhappy. 

“You can help him. You’re good with stars.”

“Of course, princess.” Jaskier smiles, but his heart is suddenly heavy. “Now, sleep.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi loves! 
> 
> Jaskier gets a date! Fun, isn’t it? 
> 
> Absolutely love all your reactions to this fic. Thank you xx

Jaskier keeps thinking about stars. Well, not stars exactly, but Geralt’s star to be. Geralt’s possible lover. And how Ciri expects him to find him one. It’s all very messy, okay? It’s a huge, bizarre mess to think about Geralt being with someone else. Especially considering that he, himself, isn’t as over the man as he thought but also isn’t going to get back with him. 

“Why must life be so hard on sexy ones?” Jaskier sighs. 

“I ask myself this question at leas four times a day.” Renfri grins at him. “Guess an amazing ass comes with a price.”

“Unfair.”

“What is unfair?” Triss asks as she steps around the bar stand to mix some complicated cocktail. 

“Jaskier still can’t decide if he wants to fuck his ex or not.”

“I don’t want to _fuck_ him.” Jaskier hisses. 

“You don’t?” Triss hums. “He’s kinda hot.”

“Hey, hands off!” Jaskier squeaks. 

“What? I thought you didn’t want to fuck him?”

Renfri sniggers and Jaskier is in urgent need of new friends. 

“Fired. Both of you.”

“You wish.” Renfri rolls her eyes and busies herself with cleaning beer glasses. 

It’s been couple of days since he last talked to Geralt. Nothing to the five years period he experienced but fuck, he misses him. He shouldn’t miss him, but when was the last time he did what he should? 

Jaskier is about to hop on the stage for his usual performance when Renfri comes up to him, smirking. 

“There’s a woman at the bar claiming that she’s on a date with you.”

Jaskier frowns and searches small crowd until his eyes set on red haired woman. 

“That’s Quinn!” He beams. “Keep her glass full and don’t charge her no matter what she says.”

Renfri shakes her head at him either disapprovingly or encouragingly – you can never be too sure with her - but walks away. 

“Hello everyone!” Jaskier settles on the stool in front of his mic. “My first song is dedicated to my hot date right here, Quinn.”

Quinn whoops loudly, rising her drink above her head. Jaskier laughs and starts playing. 

It’s fun spending time with Quinn. Eskel started dating her around the time he and Geralt met and they bonded quickly. Bar outings, concerts, crazy parties – all of these were their thing. More than once Eskel and Geralt had to come to their rescue when they drank too much or got themselves into some kind of hassle. It’s too easy to fall back into the rhythm. 

“So, are the drinks as good as I assumed?” Jaskier asks. 

“Free drinks are my favorite kind of drinks, so I might be based.” Quinn laughs. 

“Perks of being on a date with bar owner.”

“Geralt is missing out.”

“Ugh, can we not talk about the man? He gives me headache.” Jaskier groans. 

“Oh, come on. He’s smitten with you.” Jaskier decidedly doesn’t like the look in her eye. She’s being way to cunning for a girl who drowned her own way in cocktails. 

“Smitten? Are we in high school again?”

“Okay, he’s in love with you in very responsible, adult way. Are you going to do something about it?”

“Do I have to?” Jaskier sighs long-sufferingly. 

“Yes, you moron!” Quinn wails. “You clearly aren’t going anywhere and this whole situation is starting to look like a shitty romcom.”

She might be right. But it’s easy for her to talk, she’s got her perfect family with her perfect husband. 

Jaskier tells her as much. 

“Don’t be jealous because Eskel is hotter than Geralt. He’s got all the good genes.”

“They’re not even related.”

“Details.” Quinn waves her hand sloppily. “Should we go for a smoke?”

And that’s how Jaskier knows she’s drunk enough to take her home. 

“Triss!” He yells. “Get us an uber!”

***

Geralt hasn’t seen Jaskier for about a week which should be alright but for some reason it isn’t and it bothers him. Ciri is at Vesemir’s with other kids and he’s restless. He could use a drink. He could use a drink at Jaskier’s bar. It’s nowhere near his apartment but he could also use a long walk, to clear his head a little. 

“What can I get you?” The woman at the bar asks him. Geralt thinks he recognizes her from his previous visits but he can’t be too sure, he was too encompassed with Jaskier to pay attention to others. 

“Jaskier.” He gruffs. “I mean, is Jaskier here?”

“You just missed him.” The woman answers. Great. “He went home with his date not ten minutes ago.”

Geralt freezes. It shouldn’t shock him — Jaskier is free to have as many dates as he likes. Geralt is in no position to get jealous. Something ugly curls inside of his stomach, making him feel hot and numbingly cold at the same time. 

“A drink?” The woman prompts. 

But Geralt doesn’t feel like drinking anymore.


End file.
